Holidays Are Hazardous to Your Health
by Red Witch
Summary: Celebrate the holidays with the XMen and Misfits. With enough TV inspired madness, bickering relatives and stupid antics this is definitely not gonna be your typical Christmas fic! Finally finished in time for the holidays!
1. Home for the Holidays

**Here it is wrapped up in a pretty bow. The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution or GI Joe or any Marvel Characters. Well after TSOCL here's a fun fic for the holiday season! This is where I get to torture as many characters as possible in a fun way!**

**Holidays Are Hazardous To Your Health**

**Chapter 1: Home for the Holidays**

"I can't believe it's December already," Kurt said as he helped decorate the huge Christmas tree in the library. Several students were in the library having an impromptu party before winter break. Some of the students were off to be with their families while others were staying behind. One had already left to be with her family but would return soon.

"When is Kitty gonna be back?" Danielle asked.

"Tonight is the last night of Hanukah this year," Xavier told her. "So Kitty should be back by the end of the week."

"I'm still gonna miss her," Danielle sighed. "But it'll be good to see my Grandfather again."

"Yeah we've all had a very stressful year," Warren sighed. "And seeing our relatives is supposed to make us **relax?** Yeah right."

"So who's going and who's staying this time?" Hank asked as he drank from a cup of cocoa. He conferred with Logan and Xavier.

"Kurt and Rogue will be here," Xavier told him. "Kurt's adopted parents from Germany are coming to meet Rogue and see their son for the holidays."

"Is that gonna be okay?" Logan asked. "I mean we ain't exactly had much luck with houseguests lately."

"My parents used to live in a circus and my great grandmother was a Romani gypsy witch," Kurt overheard. "Trust me I doubt there's anything that will shock them very much."

"Who else? Scott?" Logan asked.

"No I'm going over to Hawaii to be with Alex and his family this year," Scott said. "Which will be kind of nice. The Masters are really cool."

"You're not gonna act all weird and jealous this visit are you?" Jean asked him.

"Jealous?" Scott asked. "Why would I be jealous of Alex? That's crazy."

"Well that's good to know," Jean said.

Scott then muttered. "Just because **he **got adopted and grew up in Hawaii with loving parents while **I** was stuck in an orphanage in Alaska, I'm not jealous."

"Well…" Jean shrugged.

Scott continued. "And when he got outed as a mutant did the entire student body shun him like they did us in Bayville? Noooo! Most of his classmates and teachers stood by him!"

"Wait, when did he get outed?" Ray asked.

"When we all fought Apocalypse, dummy!" Tabitha hit him on the head. "Remember SHEILD allowed some recorded footage out to the media. We were all on it!"

"Yes and everyone in the world saw it," Scott sighed. "But unlike Bayville the people in Alex's town **appreciated **what we did!"

"Really?" Kurt blinked. "I didn't know that!"

"Well more than half his town is made up of Native Hawaiians and other minorities so they know something about discrimination," Scott said.

"You mean the jocks didn't hassle him?" Tabitha asked.

"Hassle him? The jocks there are all his surfing buddies," Scott said acidly. "So while **we** got rocks thrown at us, **they **carried him on their shoulders all around the school!"

"You mean they actually accepted him?" Rogue was surprised.

"Rogue, the town Alex lives in has a **dog **for a mayor!" Scott snapped. "While we get a Senator Kelly wannabe! How can they hate him when half the town council believes that aliens are trying to communicate to the world through pizza commercials? How could they **not** accept him? He one of the few **sane** people there!"

"Scott that's a little…" Jean tried to diffuse his frustration.

"Jean I was there a couple of times, I know what that place is like!" Scott snapped. "It's unbelievable the nuts that live there! Happy tolerant hippie lunatics who like to hug trees and sing songs while we get stuck with bigoted conservative jerks who like to protest in front of our gates! Yeah life is fair!"

"Well no wonder he hasn't come here," Ray said. "Sounds like he's got it pretty sweet."

"Of course he does, everything goes **great **for Alex," Scott grunted. "Even when we were kids he got more Legos than I did! He stole them from me Jean! He swiped them from **my** box when everybody else was asleep!"

"Scott, please!" Jean pleaded. "And I thought I was the one who was uptight over the holidays!"

"What do you have to be uptight about? Your family is going to the Bahamas for Christmas!" Scott asked.

"Yeah and all I am going to hear is my mother and grandmother asking me when I'm going to outgrow this 'X-Men' phase as she calls it and get engaged to a nice 'normal' boy," Jean moaned. "The latter is my grandmother talking of course. She didn't take the news of me being a mutant well."

"Oh boy," Scott sighed.

"And of course this is the year little sister Sarah graduated with perfect grades," Jean said bitterly. "And she's dating a pre-med student. So she's grandma's **darling.** Of course she always was. Even when we were kids she was the favorite. While she got fifty-dollar bills for her birthday, you know what I always got? Guess? Handkerchiefs! That's what I got! Every freaking year handkerchiefs! Sometimes I'd get a whole box full! I once got a box full of fifty of those things that fall to pieces if you breathe on it, much less blow your nose! I mean how many handkerchiefs does a person need? GOD I HATE HER!"

"Jean, take nice long deep breaths," Scott comforted her.

"So who else is staying?" Hank quickly changed the subject.

"As far as I know, Bobby, Ray, Tabitha, Jesse, Peter, Jamie, Remy, Forge, Jubilee and Rina," Xavier said. "And Kitty when she gets back."

"Quite a full house this year," Logan sipped his coffee.

"You know Logan, this will be your first year with the girls," Xavier raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah that's some experience I'm looking forward to," Logan sighed. "One who's never had Christmas before and the other who lost her parents."

"It is going to be difficult," Xavier said. "The first holiday is always the hardest. Many children just shut down and withdraw completely."

"All right everyone!" Jubilee stormed in with her hands full of crafts. "Who's up for making scented pinecone ornaments?"

"Jubilee is going into the Martha Stewart in denial route," Logan winced.

"Hey Tabitha you get to visit your mom in a few days right?" Jamie asked. "That should be cool."

"Oh yeah, having a Dad in the big house and a mom in rehab is a wonderful way to spend the holidays," Tabitha groaned.

"At least your mom gave you up because she just couldn't take care of you!" Ray snapped. "She still loves you!"

"Yeah she didn't just dump you because she didn't want you anymore," Bobby grunted.

"What are you complaining about? At least you guys **have** parents," Jesse grunted.

"Well, I wish mine were dead right about now," Ray grunted.

"Will all of you stop saying such horrible things?" Ororo shouted at them. "You should be lucky that you have families and people who care about you and…" She choked back a sob and ran out of the room.

"There she goes again," Logan moaned. "Five will get you ten we have a blizzard in the next twenty minutes."

"Poor Ororo," Amara said. "I mean what with Evan did and her family not speaking to her, it's gonna be rough."

"We've **all** had it rough," Hank swirled his cocoa. "Some of us were stupid and broke up with our girlfriends. What an idiot I was! What was I **thinking?**"

"What was **I** thinking?" Peter moaned.

"I knew there was a good reason I hated the holidays," Logan moaned.

"Everyone please!" Xavier called to them. "Now I know this past year has been hard on everyone. But despite our hardships we should take this time to remember our blessings. We all have each other. We've all become a family and should cherish and celebrate this holiday season. We should all think about how much we mean to each other and be thankful for what we have."

Just then the door slammed. Kitty stormed in. "I **hate** the holidays!" She announced. "I **hate** my family. And this has been the suckiest year **ever!**"

"And god bless us everyone," Logan quipped. "Half pint what are you doing here? You're not supposed to get back for at least another day?"

"MY PARENTS ARE MANIACS!" Kitty shouted. "THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING HERE!"

"I take it the decision of your parents to spend their first divorced Hanukah together with their significant others didn't fare so well?" Hank sighed.

"Oh no Mr. McCoy, it was just **peachy!** You wanna hear about my **wonderful **holiday? On the first night of Hanukah you know what Jesse D gave Donald? A **black** **eye**!" Kitty snapped. "On the second night of Hanukah my mother gave Donald a vase, which she hit it on his **head!**"

"Oh boy…" Scott winced.

"On the third night of Hanukah," Kitty continued. "We got two visits from the police because the neighbors complained about the noise. On the fourth night of Hanukah we were kicked out of **two **restaurants, **three** taxicabs and had **another **encounter with the police on the subway. The fifth night we got together with the rest of the family. It was kind of quiet…for about **five seconds** when my mother told her mother, my nana, that she was divorced and dating a younger man. You see my parents had neglected to tell the rest of the family that they had gotten divorced as well as a few other things. Like my dad being gay, me being a mutant and my Uncle Herbert announcing that after twelve years as an accountant, he was going to devote his life to searching for the Loch Ness Monster…In New Jersey! It was a **magical night!**"

"Ouch," Rogue winced.

"Night number six was interesting," Kitty went on. "Mom, Dad and Donald got drunk and Jesse D and I had to keep things under control. Mom passed out and Dad and Donald got into an argument and started crying. Night number seven I caught Mom and her boyfriend making out in the closet while Donald and Dad got into a fight with the neighbors. And tonight I caught my Dad and Donald making out in the closet while my mother 'accidentally' set the food Donald made on fire. It was then I decided to give **myself** a present and come home early! So if anyone needs me, I will be in my room, screaming for several hours!" She stormed out.

"Hawaii is looking kind of peaceful right now, eh Scott?" Bobby looked at him.

"An active volcano is looking more peaceful than this holiday is shaping up to be," Scott moaned.

"Stand back folks," Logan sighed. "It's gonna be a bumpy ride…"


	2. Ho Ho Ho

**Ho Ho Ho**

The next day nearly all the X-Men who were traveling to visit their families had left, leaving the rest of the students to relax. All except Scott. "I get a ride tomorrow on the Misfit Express," He grumbled. "Whoopee."

"Well look at the bright side Scott," Ray told him as several students sat around the television. "No lines, no airline food, no crowds…"

"No Jean, no reprieve from the insanity of the Misfits…" Scott reminded him.

"Oh yeah," Ray blinked. "Why again are the Misfits going to Hawaii?"

"They're meeting up with one of Blob's insane cousins," Scott told him. "As well as checking out a possible lead on Cobra. Personally I think the latter is just a made up excuse to go surfing for the day."

"Wouldn't put it past 'em," Bobby groaned. "Well at least you get to chill with your brother and his family. We're stuck here in the mansion."

"That's not so bad," Scott said.

"Everyone! Don't forget to save all the toilet paper rolls!" Jubilee ran in carrying a load of crafts. "Tonight we're going to make our very own homemade English Crackers! I've got the tissue paper for making the paper hats!"

She ran out again. "Oh boy…" Scott winced. "I see your point."

"Is she gone?" Logan peered out from one of the doors.

"Jubilee went that way," Rogue pointed to the door she left through.

"Good…" Logan sighed. As he walked in they all heard the tinkling of bells. They looked down and saw that Logan was wearing green elf slippers with bells attached to them. "If anybody says **one** word…Makes **one **smart remark…."

"Don't look at me," Bobby sighed and put his feet on the table. He had red elf slippers on with bells on them. "I feel your pain."

"Why…?" Rogue began to ask.

"Because Jubilee has gone nuts that's why!" Logan snapped as he sat down on a chair. "Look I am trying to be patient with the girl. I really am. But if I have to sing any more stupid Christmas Carols I am gonna deck everyone's halls!"

"Have you tried talking to her?" Kitty asked.

"I'm afraid to," Logan sighed. "Every time I try to bring up the subject of her parents she starts crying. Then she makes more stupid crafts. That's how I ended up with the homemade slippers from Hell!"

"What about X?" Tabitha asked. "She's gotta be confused, since she's never had a Christmas before."

"Don't ask…" Logan moaned.

"She hasn't tried to kill her yet has she?" Scott asked.

"Worse…" Logan cringed.

TINKLE! TINKLE! TINKLE!

Rina walked in with red elf slippers and a red hat with a bell on her head. She had a similar hat in her hands and a strange happy look on her face. "Here! For you!" She plopped it on Logan's head. "Jubilee's making one for you Bobby."

"Oh no…" Bobby moaned. "X has been brainwashed!"

"Christmas is fun," Rina said in a strangely happy voice. "Christmas is good…" She bounded away.

"I don't know how she did it," Logan moaned. "I'm **afraid **to know how she did it!"

"How about we watch some TV?" Scott decided to change the subject. "They're having a big celebration at the mall. It's gonna be a big holiday festival with a small parade and everything!"

"Oh yeah," Kurt said. "They're gonna have Santa jump out of an airplane."

"Whoop de do," Ray twirled his finger.

"Aw come on," Rogue changed the channel. "Don't act like such a Grinch."

"It's just another thing we can't go to because we're mutants," Ray moaned.

"Yeah that was a fun present from the mayor," Tabitha blew a bubble with her gum. "A restraining order two days before the ceremony. And we didn't even do anything!"

"He was scared that we'd mess it up somehow," Logan grunted.

"That is so totally bogus!" Bobby said. "I could jazz up that parade by turning it into a real winter wonderland!"

"Yeah and I could use my powers to make the party a blast," Tabitha grinned.

"Although I hate to admit it, I do see his point," Logan looked at the teens.

"Hey look! It's starting!" Kurt pointed to the screen. "At least we can watch it on TV!"

"Well it's another beautiful day here in Bayville," The announcer spoke. "A bit breezy but the sky is clear as a bell. I'm Burt Baxter."

"And I'm Trish Trilby," Trish grinned. "And we're here to cover the third annual Bayville Holiday Parade. Sponsored by Bloomberg's Department store. Guess who's coming to town? That's right, it's everybody's favorite jolly fat man, Santa Claus."

"Yes but he's not coming in his sleigh," Burt said. "That's in the shop. But don't you worry boys and girls, it'll be ready for his trip around the world."

"That's right Burt," Trish nodded. "He's going to parachute right into the Bayville Mall Parking lot to signify the start of the parade. And I believe he's getting ready to jump. And there he goes! Look at him fly."

"Yes…Santa seems to be falling kind of quickly doesn't he?" Burt asked. "He's kind of flapping his arms there…"

"Oh wait, his parachute has just opened," Trish said quickly. "Boy the wind sure is strong, Burt. Santa seems to be blowing a little off course. But Santa is sailing along…"

"Unfortunately the parachute now is sailing in the opposite direction," Burt said. "Wow I didn't know a parachute could detach like that."

"But his emergency parachute has just kicked in, sort of," Trish blinked. "I don't think that's working either and now…Whoa! That's a pretty strong gust of wind! Santa's now been blown off course! I can't see him!"

"Neither can I Trish! He could be anywhere! I wonder what happened to him?"

BOOOM!

A loud sound echoed through the mansion. "What the…?" Rogue looked around. "That sounded like our lasers!"

"Hey guys! Something just activated the automatic defenses in the backyard!" Forge ran in. "Whatever it was it came from the sky real fast!"

"What?" Scott jumped up.

"Don't worry! Our lasers blasted it before it landed," Forge told him as they ran outside.

"Oh no…" Rogue had a horrible thought running through her head. "It's can't be…"

"What?" Forge asked as he shut down the defenses before going outside.

"Please don't let it be what I think it is," Rogue moaned.

"Don't let **what **be what you think it is?" Logan roared as he opened the door. Something was smoldering in the back yard. He took a step and sniffed the air. "Oh no…"

"It is isn't it?" Rogue winced.

"Oh yeah…" Logan sighed. "Everybody stay where you are."

"But we want to see what it is," Bobby said.

"No you **don't!**" Logan shouted.

"Come on!" Kurt grabbed Bobby's shoulder and they teleported to the object.

"Big mistake…" Logan sighed.

"OH MEIN GOTT!" Kurt screamed. Then teleported back to where they were. Bobby was turning green.

"I tried to warn him," Logan shook his head.

"That isn't…" Scott pointed.

"Yeah it is," Logan said.

"I don't believe this!" Scott smacked his head and leaned against the wall.

"We are all so busted," Rogue moaned.

"OH GOTT IN HIMMEL!" Kurt screamed in German while Bobby ran off to throw up.

"Logan what happened?" Xavier wheeled up to them.

"Charles I don't know how to tell you this," Logan shook his head. "But…We just fried Santa."


	3. There Goes Santa Claus

**There Goes Santa Claus**

"We killed Santa," Kurt whimpered as he wrapped a blanket around him. "We killed Santa!"

"This is totally freaky," Kitty shook her head. "Thank God I'm Jewish otherwise this would totally ruin my holiday!"

"Not as much as the dead guy's is ruined," Ray remarked.

"Hey! There's an ambulance coming up the road, and a few cop cars," Tabitha remarked. "Looks like I may end up visiting my dad in jail after all."

"No, they came for the body," Scott sighed.

"You called the cops?" Rogue yelled.

"What were we supposed to do?" Scott snapped. "Just bury him in the back yard?"

"Oh just what we need!" Ray threw up his hands. "The cops investigating us…AGAIN!"

A few hours later…

"I don't wanna go to jail…" Kurt moaned. "I didn't wanna kill Santa. I **didn't **kill Santa! I had nothing to do with those lasers! If anyone should go to jail for killing Santa it should be Forge! HE SET UP THOSE LASERS! HE DID IT! I'LL TESTIFY IF I HAVE TOO! I'M WILLING TO TESTIFY!"

"Way to show unity Kurt," Forge folded his arms and growled.

"He's been under a lot of stress," Xavier sighed to Detective Abrams.

"I am saying one thing," Forge said. "I am **not** taking the fall for this! I was under **orders!**"

"Calm down Forge," Xavier sighed. "I've talked to the detective here and he's agreed to rule this an accident."

"Really?" Kurt blinked. "We're not killers?"

"No, we're just accidental manslaughters," Rogue quipped.

"AAHHHH!" Kurt cringed.

"You just had to say that didn't you Stripes?" Logan moaned.

"Don't feel too bad kid," Detective Abrams said, patting Kurt on the shoulder. "He had two bottles of scotch in him and his parachute was defective anyway! He'd have been dead the instant he landed in the back yard. Splat!"

"Aren't you taking this a little too calmly?" Kurt asked him.

"Kid this is my fifth dead Santa since I've joined the force," Abrams shrugged. "You wouldn't believe how many pop off this time of year."

"Hey you remember that crook that dressed up like Santa and not only got caught in the chimney, but got caught on fire?" One policeman asked.

"Do I? Took me weeks to get the smell out of my clothes," Abrams chuckled.

"That's nothing," Logan waved. "I once saw a guy in a Santa suit actually get run over by a sleigh!"

"Reindeer or horse drawn?" The cop asked.

"Horse," Logan said.

"Is this what our holiday is going to be like? Swapping dead Santa stories over a warm corpse?" Kurt gasped.

"You know no holiday gathering is complete without hot cider!" Jubilee walked in carrying a tray of hot cider.

"Oh thanks I'll have one," Abrams took one.

"Ooh! Me too!" The cop said.

"I'll have a sip," Hank shrugged.

"This is not my life…" Kurt winced. He looked upwards. "Lord, I need to ask you something…Is this your idea of fun? To make my life miserable? What you get bored and decide to play a game of 'Let's Torture Nightcrawler'? Making me blue and furry wasn't enough was it? Making me have an insane family didn't give you enough chuckles?"

"You gotta admit he does play with him a lot," Kitty whispered to Tabitha.

"What more can you do to me?" Kurt pleaded. "Haven't I suffered enough?"

"Yo! Nightcreeper!" Todd called out as the Misfits entered the room. "What's with the cop convention?"

Kurt looked upwards. "Nice touch."

"I'd never thought I'd say this but am I glad you're here," Scott groaned. "For once traveling with you guys is gonna be a pleasant experience!"

"Travelling? I didn't see a car or nothing pull in," One cop said.

"Yeah how did you guys get here?" Abrams asked.

"Stealth plane," Roadblock said quickly. "So what did happen?"

"We had a slight accident," Xavier coughed.

"Splattered Santa in the back yard," Abrams said.

"Detective!" Xavier said sharply. He indicated the Triplets and Spyder.

"Cool! Let's go look!" Spyder shouted.

"I think that might be inappropriate," Xavier said.

"Yeah, like we haven't seen a dead Santa before," Quinn scoffed.

"Do you really wanna know the story behind that?" Lance asked Scott as they ran off gleefully.

"No," Scott said simply.

"WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS THAT MUTANT XAVIER?" Mayor Chandler burst in with his entourage. "YOU!"

"Mayor," Xavier sighed. "What can I do for you? As if I didn't already know."

"Well Xavier I was wondering how you would top this year off," Mayor Chandler said. "I mean you've done so much already this year, what with the riots and the fires and the giant robots. Let's not forget all those explosions and earthquakes every week that make the days so special. But shooting Santa out of the sky…That really puts a nice holiday spin on everything. Well it's official now, you X-Men have made our lives a living hell."

"Oh put a cork in it," Lance snapped. "It's not their fault the guy was drunk and his parachute was faulty and blew him off course!"

"No, but they are responsible for shooting Santa and upsetting every child in Bayville!" Mayor Chandler snapped.

"How do they know it was them?" Todd asked.

"We had two choppers in the air and filmed the whole thing!" Mayor Chandler snapped. "We were lucky you didn't shoot them down as well!"

"Mayor this was obviously a freak accident," Detective Abrams told him.

"Emphasis on **freak**," Chandler snarled. "Well what about all those lasers they've got? Surely that has to be illegal!"

"Actually I have special dispensation from the government to have anti aircraft weaponry," Xavier replied. "Due to several violent attacks on my school…"

"More like your buddies the Joes pulled a few strings," Chandler snapped. "Or was it SHIELD? Well whoever it was you can bet they'll be hearing from my lawyers!" He stormed out of the room then started to scream more profanities.

"Oh dear," Hank looked out. "Kitty I believe you forgot to take Lockheed for a walk this afternoon."

"He made such a mess in the hall," Pietro snickered. "Bad Mayor."

"Sorry," Kitty winced. "I guess I kind of got distracted what with Santa dying and me stressing over my parents fighting and all…"

"Oh my goodness! My parents! I forgot!" Kurt shot up. "We were supposed to pick them up at the airport!"

"Don't worry Kurt I called them and sent a taxi," Xavier said. A loud ruckus could be heard at the door. "Oh dear I think they're here."

A stout pair of middle aged Germans were making a fuss with the policeman at the door. "It's all right! They're guests here!" Xavier told them. "I'm so sorry about this, but we seem to have had a bit of trouble."

"Ya, you told us over the phone, Kurt! How are you!" The woman beamed with a huge smile and hugged Kurt. "Ooch! Boy you are so skinny! Don't you eat around here?"

"Depends on who's cooking," Bobby snickered. Kitty hit him on the arm. "Ow!"

"Everyone these are my parents, Stephan and Jimaine Wagner," Kurt announced. **(&) **"Mama, Papa you know Professor Xavier and Ororo. This is Kitty, Bobby, Ray, Tabitha, Jubilee, Remy, Rina, Scott, Peter, Logan, and Mr. McCoy…"

"Ach yes we have heard all about you," Stephan nodded.

"And this is Rogue," Kurt motioned.

"Oh my dear! How good to meet you!" Jimaine gave Rogue a big hug. Fortunately for her Rogue was covered up enough.

Unfortunately for Rogue, Jimaine Wagner was a lot stronger than she looked. "Can't…breathe…"

"Mama, please we've already had one death here," Kurt pried her away.

"We have heard so many wonderful things about all of you," Stephan said.

"Hey that's cool yo," Todd grinned.

Stephan looked at him. "You must be Toad. We've heard about **you **too!"

"Heh…" Todd smiled nervously.

"These are the Misfits," Kurt introduced. "And that's Detective Abrams of the Bayville Police Department…"

"I come here a lot lately," Abrams said.

"I'm afraid your visit coincides with an unlikely and untimely demise of a Santa with a bad parachute," Hank sighed.

"Oh it's all right. These things happen," Stephan waved.

"It's not like we haven't seen a dead Santa before," Jimaine shrugged.

"When?" Kurt gasped. "Don't tell me! I don't want to know!"

"We used to work in a circus," Stephan told them. "Accidents happen."

"Remember when Giorgio the drunk decided to dress up like Santa and torment the elephants?" Jimaine said to her husband.

"You mean Uncle Flatfoot?" Kurt blinked.

"And people call my family crazy," Fred shook his head.

"What is crazy is that angry mob of parents and children outside!" Stephan said. "You would not believe what we had to go through to get here!"

"Angry mob?" Logan looked outside. "Oh no…"

"This is starting to become a running gag," Tabitha groaned.

"Those people are madmen!" Stephan gasped as he looked outside. "Is that a gallows they're building?"

"Roadblock could you do us a little favor?" Xavier asked. "You think you can take the rest of us with you to Hawaii for a few months?"

**(&) Okay, I changed Kurt's history a little because it seems he doesn't have an insane brother in the Evolution. And since Margali is Amanda's mother and I'm not changing Amanda's name…Well you all get the picture. Just go with the flow here.**

Next: Fun in Hawaii. What has Alex been up to? And who is Fred's cousin? (And no it's nobody you know.) You'd never believe it!


	4. Misfits in Hawaii Scott Too!

**Misfits In Hawaii (Scott Too!)**

"Alex honey, are you sure we don't need to go to the airport to pick your brother and his friends up?" Mrs. Masters asked as she finished polishing the living room table.

"Mom it's okay," Alex said. "They've got some uh, special transportation. You don't need to clean anymore! You should be relaxing. I mean you just had surgery!"

"My surgery was two months ago, I'm feeling much better," Mrs. Masters told him. "It was just a gallstone that was too big to come out. Besides I want everything nice and clean when your brother comes."

"Honey he's from the mainland," Mr. Masters groaned. "I'll think he'll just be happy there's no snow on the ground. You obsess too much over details."

A ding went off in the kitchen. "Ooh! My bundt cake is ready!" Mr. Masters went to retrieve it.

"Look who's talking," Mrs. Masters gave him a look. "Dear I know you're a professional chef but did you really have to bake twelve desserts?"

"Technically tea cakes are not a dessert," Mr. Masters defended. "But I want Scott and his friends to feel at home."

"Yeah they've been through a lot lately," Alex sighed.

"Well of course they have," Mrs. Masters dusted a little more. "First that awful Apocalypse, Washington DC, that monster Stryker and one of their own faculty members was murdered! Not to mention the riots and the trial! It's enough to drive anyone crazy!"

"Yeah and to top it off everyone there is still is being jerks about mutants," Alex sighed. "A lot of kids are afraid to even go outside the Institute into the town."

"Thank goodness it's not like that here," Mrs. Masters sighed.

"Yeah oh…" Alex hesitated. "Look I know you guys are proud of me and all, but could you do me a favor and not tell them about my…After school job if you get my drift?"

"All right but you really should tell your brother," Mr. Masters sighed.

"I don't see why you have to keep it from him," Mrs. Masters said. "He'd be proud of you."

"Look I know but don't want Scott to worry about me or anything. He's got enough troubles as it is and if he knew about…Well you know…He might overreact."

"Say no more," Mr. Masters nodded. "I just hope when he does find out he doesn't think the situation is too weird."

At that very moment Scott, along with the Misfits teleported right onto the newly polished living room table and fell on top of it, crushing it into splinters. "Oops!" Fred gulped. "Slight miscalculation here."

"Ya think?" Scott snapped at him.

"I told you cleaning that was a waste of time," Mr. Masters said to his wife.

"Hey Bro! Good to see ya!" Alex waved. "Nice entrance."

"Are you all right?" Mrs. Masters gasped.

"Mostly," Pietro removed a painful splinter from his butt.

"Uh, sorry about that Mr. and Mrs. Masters," Scott gulped.

"Scott please call us Mom and Dad," Mrs. Masters gave him a warm hug. "You know we think of you as family."

"What was that?" Mr. Masters asked.

"We have uh, teleportation device," Lance coughed. "It's kind of a secret though."

"Well we won't tell anybody, right?" Alex asked his foster parents.

"Actually we're quite good at keeping secrets in this family," Mr. Masters grinned. "Right Alex?"

"Uh yeah," Alex gulped. "Hey let's go outside and eat!"

"I see a lot of new faces here," Mrs. Masters looked at the Misfits.

"These are our new recruits," Althea introduced. "This is Lina Chakram, Dragonfly. Angelica Jones, Firestar. Spyder and Arcade. He's human but really good with computers."

"My goodness your team is growing," Mrs. Masters blinked. "It must be so nice for you Scott to make so many new friends."

"Yeah, it's a real joy," Scott said dryly.

"But this isn't all of you," Mr. Masters looked around. "Some of your adults aren't here and where are the babies?"

"Shipwreck and Cover Girl are watching my brothers," Althea told them. "They're not babies anymore. They've become full fledged toddlers and boy are they becoming a handful."

"Those sweet little boys? It's hard to believe," Mrs. Masters said as she led them out to the porch.

"Not that hard," Roadblock groaned. "Apparently you've never been woken up at four am by a whiffle bat."

"So why are you all in town?" Mr. Masters asked.

"Well my Aunt Shirley called me up and told me my cousin kind of got himself into some trouble," Fred explained. "So we all came down to kind of get him out of it. It's kind of a long story. You see…"

Suddenly a police jeep pulled up into the driveway. Inside was a tall muscular Native Hawaiian with a military haircut and a large sheriff's hat and tight uniform. In contrast sitting next to him was a pasty thin deputy with long shaggy brown hair and a shaggy beard.

"Hi Alex!" The deputy waved rather cheerfully. "We've come over!"

"They can see that you idiot," The sheriff groaned.

"Sheriff Lobo? Deputy Yokel?" Alex blinked as they came out and joined them on the porch. "What are you guys doing here?"

"**Lobo? **Sheriff **Lobo?**" Roadblock asked. "As in…?"

"Yeah as in the TV show," Sheriff Lobo muttered. "Gee, I've never heard **that **before!"

"There was a TV show called that?" Pietro asked. "I thought it was a comic or something."

"That too," Sheriff Lobo sighed. "But that's not why we're here. Some nut just robbed the bank and he's around here somewhere. I take it these are your friends?"

"Yeah this is my brother Scott and these are the Misfits and some members of GI Joe," Alex said.

"Uh this bank robber you talked about," Spyder blinked. "He wouldn't happen to be a real fat guy in a weird costume surrounded by a bunch of bugs would it?"

"Yeah why do you…?" Sheriff Lobo turned around. "Ask?"

There behind them was a huge man, much larger and fatter than Fred in the oddest costume they had ever seen. It looked like several pieces of different bugs had been sewn on him. Several different kinds of bugs surrounded him. He also had some strange jars on his back filled with more bugs and a vacuum like device attached to them. "So you thought you could trap me, eh Sheriff?"

"That was the general idea," Deputy Yokel blinked.

"Prepare to feel the wrath of…THE SWARM! HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!" He oddly dressed character laughed.

"Oh no," Fred sighed. "Looks like Frankie's off his medication again."

"I'm gonna take a wild guess. That must be Blob's cousin," Scott observed. "Please tell me he's not a mutant."

"No, he's just crazy," Fred sighed. "Not to mention obsessed with insects."

"What's with the getup?" Lance asked.

"This costume symbolizes my many insect parts!" Swarm shouted. "The sting of the wicked wasp, the pincers of the cunning praying mantis, the shell of the cunning cockroach, the legs of the acrobatic grasshopper and the wings of the mighty monarch! Behold! I am the ultimate insect!"

"You're the ultimate **something **I'll give you that," Low Light remarked.

"Frankie stop making a fool out of yourself and knock it off!" Fred snapped.

"You can't tell me what to do Cousin! Insects! Attack!" Swarm shouted. Suddenly a horde of wasps, bees, locusts and flying ants zoomed out.

"EVERYONE INSIDE!" Scott shouted. Immediately everyone ran into the house and slammed the door shut.

"Holy crap look at all those bugs!" Lance shouted.

"Yeah I should have told you," Fred said. "He's got a way with insects. He can train them to do a lot of stuff. Do dishes and housework, rob banks, destroy towns. The usual sort of stuff. He's got issues. Everybody says he's got the worst temper in the family. Well next to Aunt Ralph and Uncle Bobo. Not to mention my cousin Luis, Cousin Rob, Aunt Lucy…Well you get the picture."

"Let me see if I get this straight," Scott looked at Fred. "In your family you're considered the **mild mannered** one?"

"Not to mention the skinny one!" Pietro said.

"Well actually yeah I am," Fred admitted. "I can't help it! I've always had a svelte figure!"

"Compared to **what?** A blue whale?" Pietro shouted.

"Where's Todd?" Althea shouted. "He's not inside! Where is he?"

"NOOOO! STOP IT YOU MURDERER!" Swarm could be heard screaming outside. "STOP EATING MY BABIES!"

"Oh," Althea breathed a sigh of relief.

"You know we all really should have seen that coming," Arcade remarked. They poked their heads out the door and saw that the insects pulled back. Todd was slurping a few more down.

"Oh man this is one of the best meals I ever had!" Todd grinned. "Hey Summers! We gotta stop by your bro's house more often!"

"Keep back you vile monster!" Swarm screamed as his insects retreated behind him. "Oh my poor babies! How could you do that!"

"Well it serves you right for attacking us like that!" Lina stomped her foot.

"Listen lady I…" Immediately Swarm stopped. "I…I have never seen such a beautiful woman in all my life! You are like a butterfly! You are exquisite! You are…"

"Spoken for!" Fred put his arm around Lina.

"NO! NO! It's not fair! Not fair! You always get the girls!" Swarm screamed.

"Am I in some kind of alternate universe or something?" Pietro looked around.

"A girl like that doesn't deserve to be in the hands of a runt like you!" Swarm shouted. "That's it! I'm pulling out all the stops!" He pushed several buttons and all the insects popped out. "Not that I wasn't gonna pull them out anyway when I was planning to challenge the local hero here! KIDS! I DON'T CARE WHAT IT TAKES! ZAP EM ALL! Well except for the girl with the wings over there but GET THEM!" 

"Uh guys, I'm kind of getting a little full," Todd gulped as he saw the huge swarm. "A little help here!"

"Looks like we need you to do your thing, Havok!" Sheriff Lobo shouted to Alex.

"What thing?" Scott looked at Alex. "Havok? Alex is there something you'd like to tell me?"

"You're not gonna believe this…" Alex laughed nervously. "You see, I've kind of gotten a bit of a superhero gig in town. It's a long story…"

"You mean you're this town's own personal superhero?" Todd blinked. "Wicked!"

"WHAT?" Scott shouted. "How…?"

"It's kind of a long story…" Alex sighed.

"Let's just say with a deputy like mine I need all the help I can get," Sheriff Lobo moaned.

"This trip just keeps getting better and better," Scott groaned.

"TERMITE PATROL! ATTACK!" Swarm shouted.

"Termites? HEY GET OFF OF MY HOUSE! IT STILL HAS A MORTGAGE ON IT!" Mrs. Masters shouted.

"Here we go!" Althea shouted as the Misfits stared to use their powers to fight.

"Where the hell is a giant flyswatter when you need one?" Roadblock moaned.

"That mob back at the Institute is looking better all the time…" Scott groaned as he joined the fight.

**Next: Nothing says holiday like family. If you're celebrating the Day of the Dead that is…**


	5. All in the Family

**All In the Family**

"I'm glad those horrid protesters are finally gone," Jimaine sighed as she entered the living room where Kurt and Stephan were along with a few other X-Men. "And I thought things were bad in Germany."

"So anti-mutant sentiment is everywhere huh?" Ray asked.

"It depends in what part of Europe you are in," Stephan said. "Spain and France are the worst though, due to several mutant attacks. And I am sad to say Germany is not that far behind."

"Well at least here I won't get burned at the stake, well not yet anyway," Kurt muttered. "What was all that noise they were making earlier?"

"Oh they were all singing the traditional anti-mutant rally songs," Kitty quipped. "If I Had a Hammer I'd Use it to Smash A Mutant, All I Want For Christmas are No Mutants on My Block, Deck the Mutant in the Head and my personal favorite, Mutants Got Run Over By A Reindeer."

The doorbell rang. "Now who could that be?" Tabitha asked.

"Whoever it is, make sure you give them a festive bouquet!" Jubilee was making wreaths on the floor with Rina and Bobby. "Aren't wreaths fun?"

"Yeah…" Bobby said listlessly. He mouthed to the others. 'Help Me!'

"Well the important thing is that we are all here together and we are all family," Stephan said.

Ororo sniffed and went out of the room. "I need to get a tissue."

"Hey Kurt you got another visitor!" Rogue walked in with a surprise figure behind her.

"Happy Holidays to all!" Secret Agent Matt Burke walked in with a load of presents in his arms.  
"Matt?" Kurt blinked. "What are you doing here?"

"What? Can't a man visit his…" He then noticed Stephan and Jimaine. "Son?"

"Oh, uh…Mama, Papa this is Matt Burke, my natural father," Kurt felt very awkward. He wasn't the only one. There was definitely a look of shock on all of Kurt's parent's faces. "Matt, this is Stephan and Jimaine Wagner."

"Nice…to meet you," Stephan blinked.

"Uh, likewise," Matt blinked. "So you're **the** Wagners that adopted Kurt? Uh, thank you for raising my son."

"It was our pleasure," Jimaine replied in a surprised voice. "There **is **a family resemblance…"

"In our faces yes," Matt said quickly. "You have done a very good job of raising him."

"Well he was always a good boy," Jimaine rambled on. "A bit of a handful sometimes…"

In German Stephan muttered under his breath. "He could have been a lot **worse **considering."

Kurt however picked it up. "Considering what?"

Stephan looked like he had been caught in the biggest lie ever. "Uh…"

Fortunately at that very moment a purple vortex opened up in the room. "Looks like I'm not the only unexpected guest!" Matt shouted.

Out of the vortex Illyana and S'ym walked out. "Greetings Brother! Friends!" She called out.

"Snowflake?" Peter blinked. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to spend the holiday with you," She gave him a hug. "Just like back in the old days!"

"Who is she?" Stephan asked.

"Oh this is Peter's sister Illyana," Rogue said casually. "Ruler of a dimension called Limbo and her bodyguard S'ym."

"Nice to meet you all," S'ym grinned. "You got anything to eat around here?"

"Must you always think of your stomach?" Illyana snapped.

"Uh, why don't we go into the kitchen?" Peter said guiding them to the room.

"Ooh! They can all sample my peppermint cookies and eggnog fudge!" Jubilee jumped up and followed them.

"As you can see Mr. and Mrs. Wagner," Xavier said as he wheeled into the room with Logan behind him. "Things do tend to get a little…hectic around here."

"I bet," Jimaine said. "Well looks like there will be a lot of guests here for Christmas."

"Well at least there will be no more surprises," Ororo sighed. Then the Misfits teleported into the room with Alex, Scott and the Masters. They were all covered in straw and dirt. "Why do I always set myself up for things like this?"

"What happened to **you?**" Kurt asked.

"Short version, Blob's cousin is insane," Scott said. "And spends way too much time watching nature programs on TV."

"Yeah my cousin kind of wrecked their house along with half the houses on the block," Fred told them. "He's going to be in the hospital for a while."

"So while we're dealing with a slight termite infestation," Mr. Masters sighed. "Scott said we could stay with you for the holidays."

"Sure! Why **not?**" Ororo groaned and poured herself another drink.

"This better not be hazardous to my health Jean! You know my heart can't take too many more…" A gray haired regal woman rounded the corner and saw everyone in the room. "Surprises?"

"Grandmother these are…" Jean walked into the room carrying a pet carrier and blinked. "My friends…"

Jean's grandmother gave them all an intense stare. She focused on Scott. "Mr. Summers, I see you're more of a disgrace than usual."

"Everyone this is my grandmother, Jeannette Grey," Jean introduced them.

"Yo! Hi Granny G!" Todd waved cheerfully.

"WHAT DID THAT RUFFIAN CALL ME?" Jeannette snapped. Then she saw Kurt who had not turned on his image inducer. "And what the hell is **that?**"

"**That** is my **son!**" Stephan snapped.

"Technically **my** son, you American witch," Matt sneered at Jeannette. "If you have a problem with that go back on your broomstick."

"You tell 'em Matt!" Rogue grinned. "You know you do have your good points!"

"Why you impertinent…" Jeannette was fuming.

"Grandmother no!" Jean interrupted. "Remember your blood pressure!"

"Oh and you brought me **here?**" Jeannette whirled on her.

"Yeah Jean why'd you saddle us with this?" Rogue asked.

"I remember you from the television," Jeannette glared at Rogue. "You're that vampire girl from the Senate hearings! I thought Halloween was more your season!"

"Funny, that's what we were thinking about **you**," Lance remarked.

"STOP IT!" Jean shouted. She calmed down. "Grandmother please! You promised to keep an open mind. If you're gonna stay here until we can get you a hotel room or something…"

"What?" Logan asked.

"Uh Rogue, Ororo why don't you show Mrs. Grey to the guest room so she can freshen up?" Xavier caught on quickly.

"Why us?" Rogue asked.

"Rogue," Ororo's tone warned. "This way Mrs. Grey." They went out.

"All right Jean, what happened?" Logan asked as they left.

"There's a storm front over the Bahamas and we couldn't get there," Jean explained.

"I see," Xavier frowned.

"While my sister and parents went ahead, guess who was stuck at the airport with Grandmother when the storm hit?" Jean was clearly tense. "You see she was trying to get the entire airport fired because she thought her luggage was a bit scuffed. Long story short it 'disappeared' and…"

"I get the picture," Xavier sighed. "I suppose this is an emergency. What's that in the box?"

"Our family cat, Prometheus…" Jean sighed. "I've had a very long day."

"You're not the only one," Scott groaned. "Although I think we had it easier fighting off that insect army!"

"Insect army?" Jean asked.

"Don't ask," Alex groaned.

Meanwhile Jeannette insisted that she get something to eat. And of course she could not be persuaded otherwise. Naturally when she walked into the kitchen and saw some mutants, a demon in there she shouted. "More mutants?"

"Well what else would you expect here?" Rogue gave her a look. "The next cast members of the Apprentice?"

"Actually I'm a…" S'ym began but Illyana gave him a kick under the table to shut him up.

"WHAT IS THAT?" Jeannette shouted. Lockheed was on the table nibbling at scraps.

"Our family dragon, Lockheed," Rogue smiled sweetly.

"I see…" Jeannette looked very disturbed. "I was going to ask if you had dinner at six but I'm afraid of the answer."

"Well we usually have our animal sacrifice around that time," Rogue replied. "But I'm sure we can squeeze it in."

"Animal sacrifice! Cool! I'm in!" S'ym grinned.

"They're joking," Ororo said to Jean's grandmother. "Dinner will be ready around six thirty. Maybe I should show you our garden? Just the two of us."

"When I want to converse with the hired help I can do it at home very much," Jeannette sniffed.

"HIRED HELP?" Ororo shouted. "NOW LOOK HERE YOU…"

Then a very loud shout interrupted her and the sounds of more arguing could be heard. "**Now** what?" Rogue groaned.

In the living room now it was seen that Kitty's parents, Donald and Jesse D had also joined the party. "Kitty we are so sorry that our bickering ruined your holiday," Mrs. Pryde said. "But you have to know…It's **Donald's** fault!"

"WHAT?" Donald shouted. "Now just wait a minute here!"

"Let me guess," Rogue sighed as they started to fight. "Your family is camping up here too huh Kitty?"

"Yeah," Kitty moaned. "Isn't this a happy holiday?"

"Everybody's family is invading but mine!" Ororo shouted.

"Well there's **some **good news," Ray grumbled. Ororo then sniffed and went out the door. "I didn't mean it like that Storm! Storm!"

Xavier and Logan moved away. Stephan and Jimaine followed them into the next room. "I'm really sorry about this," Xavier sighed. "It seems things are more hectic than usual around here."

"It's more hectic here than at Grand Central Station," Logan remarked.

"Xavier there is one thing I think we should discuss," Stephan said.

"Of course, what is it?" Xavier replied, prepared for anything.

"Did you know that Matt Burke is really a demon lord named Azazel?" Jimaine asked.

Xavier wasn't prepared for that.


	6. No Peace On Earth

**No Peace On Earth**

"How did you know **that?**" Logan asked. "We found out only last year!"

"Let's just say our gypsy tribe has had dealings with him before," Stephan sighed. "And…We sort of helped him adjust to being human 35 years ago."

"Kurt doesn't know does he?" Jimaine asked.

"No and neither do the other students," Xavier shook his head. "Azazel…Mr. Burke asked us to keep it a secret. It's rather a long story."

"Let's just say it was the end of a week we'd all rather forget," **(&)** Logan groaned.

"Let's just hope this isn't going to be **another **week like that," Xavier moaned.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

After a very hectic night, The X-Men and their 'guests' prepared for more holiday feasts and decorations with the Misfits. "It's not as bad as it could be," Hank said to Xavier as they walked through the halls. "I mean the Misfits are kind of on their best behavior and most of the guests are taking it in stride."

"HOW CAN I STAY IN THIS PLACE WHERE THERE IS BLUE FUR ALL OVER THE HALLWAYS?" Jeannette screamed.

"Well **most** of them," Hank grumbled.

"Can't you stop complaining?" Jimaine admonished Jeannette as they walked into the library. "The babies are more mature than you are!"

In the library as well were the Wagners, Mr. Pryde, Donald, Kurt (Who was defiantly not wearing his image inducer.), Wanda, Pietro, Logan and Matt. "How can I not complain? And how can you call those ugly little **things **babies?" Jeanette recoiled in horror. "One of those foul creatures bit me and the other one hit me with a whiffle bat and peed on me!"

"Smart kids," Logan remarked. "Always knew they were good judges of character."

"Lady, you're lucky Althea or her sisters didn't hear that," Wanda warned. "Or you'd be needing new dentures!"

"These are my own teeth," Jeannette bristled.

"You really should get new ones," Pietro said. "Along with a new mouth, new hair, some Botox to get rid of your wrinkles…"

Just then Prometheus ran through the room screaming. He was being dive bombed by Polly and Lockheed. "A new cat…" Pietro smirked as they fled the room.

"Well I never liked that creature anyway," Jeannette showed distaste.

"And people called my mother a witch," Stephan growled. "Although technically she was in our camp."

"You never told me that," Kurt looked at Stephan.

"Ah gypsy magic is part of your heritage my boy," Stephan said.

"More than you can imagine," Matt muttered underneath his breath.

"You're…Gypsies?" Jeannette recoiled in horror.

"We are Romani and proud of it," Stephan snorted.

"Our mother was Romani too," Pietro said proudly.

"In my day young people didn't talk back like you," Jeannette snarled.

"In your day they burned people like you at the stake," Pietro quipped. "Looks like they missed one."

"And you haven't seen a witch until you've crossed me!" Wanda growled. "So shut your mouth!"

"Here, here," Matt agreed.

"And here are some festive holiday treats for all!" Jubilee walked in carrying a tray of food. "Special snacks and trays for all of you."

"Oh god…" Logan sighed. "Let me guess, you made everything right?"

"Could someone please stop this girl from making personalized holiday coasters?" Jeannette shouted.

"Just for that you don't get a happy snowman cupcake," Jubilee sniffed. "Here Mr. Pryde, I made two joined together for you and Donald. You make such a cute couple."

"A couple of **what?**" Jeannette glared at them.

"Oh I think you know what," Donald looked at her. "It starts with a Q and rhymes with…"

"BEER! BEER!" Polly flew in carrying a bottle laughing. He was being chased by Shipwreck.

"You feather brained shark bait!" Shipwreck ran in. "Give it back!"

"No way Jerkface!" Polly laughed as he flew around and spilled some on Jeannette's head.

"AGGHH!" Jeanette screamed and jumped up. "You stupid…" She was knocked down by Shipwreck.

"Sorry toots!" Shipwreck ran out.

"TOOTS? TOOTS!" Jeannette shot back up. "I am not celebrating Christmas with you people!"

"We wouldn't celebrate it with you anyway lady," Mr. Pryde held up his coaster with a symbol of a menorah on it.

"And are we ever glad you are **not **one of us!" Donald said.

"You're **Jewish **as well?" Jeannette recoiled in horror.

"It gets better," Donald made an evil grin. "We're also** Republicans!**"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Jeannette ran out of the room.

"FOUR MORE YEARS!" Both Donald and Mr. Pryde chanted as they followed her. "FOUR MORE YEARS!"

"How about four more beers?" Logan moaned.

"Oh this I gotta see!" Pietro laughed as he followed them.

"Me too," Logan grinned.

"You would think they would let up during the holidays…" Xavier sighed as he followed everyone who wanted to cause Jeannette more misfortune. "But nooooo…"

Jeannette was currently screaming at Jean in front of the other X-Men and Misfits. "It is bad enough that I am missing Christmas in the Bahamas and I'm stuck here with a group of freaks and losers! But now I have to put up with the Gypsy Gay Jewish Republican Mafia?" Jeannette screamed. "Jean you have always been a disappointment before but this is the…"

"I HAVE **HAD **IT!" Jean screamed. "YOU…YOU…BIGOTED NARROW MINDED OLD BAT!"

"What?" Jeannette choked.

"Oh yeah," Pietro rubbed his hands together. "This is gonna be good."

"Cue camera," Fred grinned as he got the video camera ready.

"All my life I've tried to please you," Jean advanced on her grandmother. "Tried to be perfect for you and my family! Well here's a newsflash, I'm **not perfect!**"

"Gee, what a shock," Lance drawled. "I never would have guessed."

"Not **now **Avalanche!" Jean snapped. Turning back to her grandmother she continued. "Yes I am a mutant and yes my friends and other people I know are mutants and the **man I love** is a mutant! So what's wrong with that? Okay so we tend to attract some unusual people from time to time and end up fighting for our lives a lot. It's judgmental **blockheads** like you that make our lives miserable! I mean who died and made you the judge of what's normal and perfect and what's not? Well I'm sick of it! I hear that garbage you've been spouting nearly every day of my life from total strangers and I'll be damned if I let you keep saying that in my own home at this time of the year! Now you have a choice, you can either **apologize** for your **appalling **behavior and open your tiny narrow mind and celebrate the holidays with us with peace and love…Or YOU CAN DROP DEAD!"

Jean turned on her heel and walked a few feet. She heard a gasp and a thunk. Jean turned around…

And saw her grandmother on the floor. "What happened?"

"You know when you told your grandma to drop dead?" Todd blinked. "I think she did."

"You mean we're gonna have to call the cops **again?**" Ray groaned.

"She's not dead," Jean's lips pursed tightly.

"Well I **could** be!" Her grandmother huffed from the floor.

"Don't lie to me old woman! I know you're faking it!" Jean screamed at her. "I can read minds you know?"

"I've had a heart attack," She whined.

"No you didn't," Jean said.

"I am seriously injured here!"

"You're not fooling anyone!" Jean snapped.

"And you wanted to stay home this year," Stephan looked at his wife. "Think of all the entertainment we would have missed."  
"YOU CAN JUST LIE THERE FOR ALL I CARE!" Jean shouted at her.

"Jean you don't mean that," Scott told her.

"THE HELL I DON'T!" Jean shouted.

"I need medical attention!" Jeannette shouted.

"You want medical attention? Fine! Toad give her mouth to mouth!" Jean snapped.

"AGGH! NO!" Jeannette shot up. "Not that slimy disgusting thing! Who would ever want to put their lips to that freak?"

"The feeling is mutual," Todd cringed. "I may eat insects but even I have my limits!"

"Freak?" Althea's eye twitched. "Disgusting?"

"Uh oh…" Lance winced.

"This will not be pretty," Hank gulped.

"Althea…" Xavier warned.

"I am getting out of this madhouse! You're freaks! All of you!" Jeannette screamed. "You should all be locked up!" A soft toy block hit her on the head. She saw Barney and Claudius laughing from their pen. "AND THOSE TWO HIDEOUS MISTAKES SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN BORN!"

"Don't say nobody warned you lady," Wanda shook her head.

"About **what?**" Jeannette snapped.

"THIS!" Althea punched Jean's grandmother right in the nose and sent her flying backward into the wall. Jeannette was knocked out like a light.

"ALTHEA!" Jean shouted. Then stopped. "Who am I kidding? Even **I** saw **that **coming."

"So did I," Shipwreck grinned. "Okay I won the pool of who'd sock the old bat in the jaw! Pay up!" Several adults and students handed him money.

"Professor!" Jean was shocked when she saw Xavier hand Shipwreck money. "I don't believe this!"

"I know," Xavier sighed. "After last night I was so sure it would be Ororo who'd get her first."

"I came pretty close," Ororo sighed.

"Well if she didn't need to go to the hospital before she does now," Todd quipped.

"I miss the Swarm and his army of invading insects," Scott sighed. "I tell you that nutcase was a lot more polite."

"And a much better dresser," Pietro grinned.

**(&) As seen in the fic 'Another Week of Random Madness'. Next the some decorating fun, Jeannette's fate, Jean's breakdown and some of the most insane holiday arguments ever.**


	7. Double Deck the Halls

**Double Deck the Halls**

"Some good news," Xavier wheeled up to Logan, Roadblock and Cover Girl. "Mrs. Grey is fine and has been discharged from the hospital."

"You call **that** good news?" Logan asked. "You can't be serious about letting her come back are you?"

"If I have to **buy **a hotel to put her in I will do so," Xavier told them. "Maybe I should have done it years ago…"

"She's not gonna press charges against us is she?" Cover Girl asked.

"I doubt it, she's too scared of us," Logan grunted. "Not that I blame her, I'm starting to get scared around here."

"Why?" Xavier asked.

"You haven't been in the kitchen the past hour have you?" Cover Girl made a grin.

"Should I be?" Xavier raised an eyebrow.

"Depends on how badly you want to keep your sanity," Logan showed him the way.

In the kitchen there was a heated argument with Hank, Low Light, Donald, Mr. Masters and Jesse D. Scott and Rogue were watching with amused interest.

"All right! I concede that 'Olive the Other Reindeer' is a feminist version of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer," Hank held up his hands. "But no way no how is Hermie the Elf gay!"

"Oh come on! It makes perfect sense that he's gay!" Donald said. "The hair alone is a dead giveaway!"

"Yeah I mean all the other elves were bald, why else would he have hair?" Low Light asked.

"That doesn't prove a thing!" Mr. Masters snapped. "If **anyone **is gay it's that Charley in the Box."

"Well duh," Jesse D said. "But so is Yukon Cornelius."

"How the hell do you figure **that**?" Scott looked at him. "He doesn't exactly act gay!"

"True, which means he goes against typical gay stereotypes," Jesse D pointed out. "However there are clues. His moustache for one thing is too well groomed. Has too much of a flair. Secondly he has a warm and nurturing nature. I mean come on, what kind of mountain man prospector would actually help a reindeer? Rudolph would be venison if it was anybody else!"

"He **was** wearing a pink ballerina tutu in the new computer animated special," Mr. Masters admitted. "I like cartoons, sue me!"

"Besides you saw those tiny little frou frou dogs pulling the sled," Jesse D told them. "What **straight **guy would have a dog team like that?"

"Well he's got us there," Mr. Pryde admitted.

"You people are sick you know that?" Logan asked.

"Blame the Misfits for this!" Scott groaned. "Toad, Blob and Quicksilver started it!"

"I don't know why you guys are shocked," Rogue looked at him. "They had the same arguments **last** year!"

"And the year before **that**, and the year before **that**…" Scott groaned. "Where are they anyway?"

"Outside decorating the mansion with Shipwreck, Alex, Lance and Arcade," Rogue told him.

"But we already did that," Logan said.

"Not according to Shipwreck," Rogue shook her head. As she spoke the familiar tune of 'Jingle Bells' could be heard. However it was done to the sound of yapping canines.

"Oh no," Xavier winced. "Not the barking dogs again!"

"I think I'm going upstairs and get some more sedatives," Cover Girl said as she went upstairs.

"We'd better see what they're up to," Logan sighed.

"We'll go with you," Rogue said as she and Scott got up to follow them outside. "I don't think we can keep up with such sophisticated conversation."

"Yeah it's a bit over our heads," Scott said sarcastically as they left.

"Oh good lord…" Xavier winced as they looked outside. The entire mansion was now covered in animatronic reindeer, colorful balloon snowmen and Santas, buxom angels doing a chorus line and a huge neon sign saying 'Santa Welcome' and another saying 'Merry X-Mas!'

"Shipwreck what the hell is all this?" Logan shouted. Shipwreck was up on the roof putting the finishing touches on a dancing elf. The rest of his helpers were down below watching him.

"My gift to you guys!" Shipwreck said excitedly. "I'm doing up your mansion right."

"Shipwreck you did not have to do this," Xavier told him.

"Oh it's no trouble at all," Shipwreck waved.

"No I mean it, you did **not** have to do **this!**" Xavier said forcefully.

"Aw come on Xavier!" Shipwreck waved. "What's a good Christmas without some wild colorful yet slightly tacky decorations."

"Slightly tacky?" Scott blinked. "My shades may have a tint making everything I see red but even **I** can tell that palm tree has purple leaves!"

"Where did you get all this junk?" Rogue asked.

"Oh we got a few things here and there," Shipwreck waved.

"Wasn't that tree from the Mayor's office?" Rogue asked as she looked at a tree on the ground.

"Does it have his name on it?" Shipwreck accused.

"Yeah," Fred looked at it as well. "Right here on this ornament right here. And on this one and this one…Hey, there's some presents here. Cool, a tie!"

"I got a paperweight," Todd held up an item.

"Here's some extra socks," Arcade showed them. "They're monogrammed."

"Oh so **everything** in the Mayor's office belongs to **him?**" Shipwreck snapped. "What about us taxpayers, huh?"

"Since when do **you **pay taxes?" Lance asked.

"Well I'd be feeling pretty miffed if I **did!**" Shipwreck snapped. "Now where did I put that blowtorch?"

"I think we should go back inside now," Xavier was definitely not feeling well.

"Oh come on," Lance said. "Sooner or later there's gonna be an explosion and I wanna see it."

"No!" Logan grabbed him. "Come in now before you catch on fire or something."

"Aww…" Pietro groaned. "We always miss the good stuff."

"Shouldn't he be with his kids or something instead of trying to commit arson and using illegal decorations on our place?" Logan groaned.

"My mom and Mrs. Wagner are looking after the babies," Alex told them.

"Which is a good thing considering how many un-Christmasy words Shipwreck said after hitting his thumb with a hammer forty something times," Arcade remarked.

"AAHHHH!" Shipwreck screamed as he fell over the side of the roof suspended by a dozen Christmas lights. "A little help here!"

"Leave him there!" Logan ordered. "Maybe that will keep him out of trouble for a minute or so."

"Hey where did Illyana and Colossus go?" Alex thought.

"Oh they went out Christmas Caroling," Todd told him. "She really wanted to go."

"Well I hope they have a nice time," Xavier sighed. "**Somebody** should."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Senator Kelly lay back in his chair at his estate. "It's nice to know that at least one time of the year I won't be bothered by insane mutants."

His personal assistant staggered in. "Sir there are some…carolers out there that want to see you." He looked very pale, as if he'd seen the Ghost of Christmas Past kissing Scrooge.

"Oh all right," Kelly took his assistants' expression to be a result of some bad eggnog. He walked to the door and got the shock of his life.

_"WE THREE KINGS OF ORIENT ARE! TRIED TO SMOKE A RUBBER CIGAR!" _S'ym and several other demons garbed in loud holiday attire were singing very loudly and off key. _"IT WAS LOADED AND EXPLODED AND WE TRAVELLED SO FAR!"_

"AAAAAHHHHHH!" Kelly screamed, slammed the door and grabbed his cell phone. "Police! Help! I'm under attack by mutants! They're **singing** at me! You gotta make them stop! NO I AM **NOT **DRUNK! Listen that **one time** was not my fault! The mutants…Well maybe mutants **are** the cause of all my problems! Ever think of that? What? Why you…! Stop laughing at me! I am a United States Senator! Why are you still laughing? I want to speak to your supervisor! What do you mean **real** emergencies? I've got a dozen singing mutants invading my home! You telling me that's not an emergency?"

He heard several smacks at his window. "Oh my god now they're throwing snowballs at my house!" He screamed. "And they're…THAT IS DISGUSTING! OFFICER THOSE FREAKS JUST MOONED ME! HELLO? HELLO?"

Outside Peter and Illyana were watching the chaos. "This camera is quite an interesting invention," Illyana said as she filmed the scene.

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" Peter asked his sister.

"Lighten up Brother it is Christmas," Illyana grinned. "Now let's hit the next stop!"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Back at the mansion…

"You know who else is gay?" Donald said as they went back into the kitchen. "The Snow Miser from Year Without A Santa Claus."

"I can see that," Hank put his hand on his chin. "It would further explain his antagonistic relationship with his brother the Heat Miser."

"Do you people **hear** yourselves?" Logan shouted. "Don't you people have anything better to do than to argue about the sexual orientation of a bunch of cartoon characters?"

"Not really no," Low Light shrugged.

A loud frustrated scream could be heard. "Oh I see Jean's back," Pietro grinned and ran off to meet her.

"The fun never stops around here doesn't it?" Logan rolled his eyes as he and the others went out to meet Jean and Ororo. Todd and Althea were there waiting as well.

"What happened?" Scott asked.

"What **didn't** happen?" Ororo sighed.  
"My stuck up grandmother," Jean gritted her teeth. "The one who thought **I** was slumming living here…Has run off. With a **janitor** from the hospital!"

"Do we even want to know how that happened?" Scott winced.

"Not really," Ororo sighed. "But I suspect that she thought the janitor was a doctor for some reason. Of course I saw no need to correct her."

"Well now we can really celebrate!" Todd grinned.

"Yeah we can sing 'Grandma got Run Over By A Reindeer!'" Jean shouted. "Which is now officially my favorite song!"

"Hey, mine too!" Althea said cheerfully.

"That song brings back memories," Fred said. "Well sort of. I had an uncle who got squashed by an elephant."

"Not now Blob…" Ororo shook her head.

"I'm old enough to drink in this state now right?" Jean asked. "Because I really need a drink!"

"That's never stopped you before," Pietro quipped.

"Keep talking Quicksilver!" Jean snapped. "Just keep on making those cracks and see if you live until New Years! No jury would convict me!"

"You just had to bring **that **up didn't you?" Ororo moaned. "I'm going back into my room!"

"Storm! I didn't…" Jean tried to explain as Ororo left. "Thanks a lot Quicksilver! Thanks so much!"

"You're welcome," Pietro grinned. "Just spreading the joy of the season around!"

"Speaking of which, what is with all dancing Santas and barking dogs?" Jean asked pointing outside with her thumb.

"Shipwreck," Logan told her.

"Why did I even ask?" Jean groaned.


	8. Mistletoe Madness

**Mistletoe Madness**

"So the Wicked Witch of the West is gone huh?" Alex said to Scott as the rest of the gang finished decorating.

"Yes it looks like a merry Christmas after all," Scott grinned. "No more bickering and insulting and screaming. It looks like tomorrow will go the way Christmas should be. Peaceful and…"

"GET OUT OF MY FACE YOU LOUSY CREEP!" Wanda screamed in another room. The sound of something exploding could be heard.

"NYAH! NYAH! NYAH!" Pietro taunted. Something else exploded.

"You come back here and let me finish!" Mrs. Pryde followed Donald into the room. "We're going to have this out once and for all!"

"Oh lord can't you drop it you bitter little shrew?" Donald snapped.

"I can't drop this!" Mrs. Pryde said. "My therapist says I need to confront you and get out all my feelings if I can ever hope to move on with my life!"

"Well **my** therapist says that **your** therapist is a total quack!" Donald snapped at her.

"MEOW!" Prometheus the cat fled from Lockheed who was spewing fire at him.

"DIVE! DIVE!" Polly cackled as he flew after them.

"Well a man can dream," Scott sighed.

"What is going on here?" Kitty walked in with Lance.

"Oh just the usual warmth and merriment you'd find around here," Scott sighed.

"You are so jealous it's pathetic!" Donald said. "Face it, Carmen's more attracted to me because I have a better body! And I'm better in bed too!"

"I AM NOT HEARING THIS!" Kitty put her hands on her ears. "I AM NOT HEARING THIS!"

"I wish **I** wasn't hearing this either," Lance groaned. "So much for a romantic Christmas."

"Yeah nothing like your girlfriend's parents and their significant others arguing about their love lives to ruin **yours**," Pietro zipped in. "Speaking of which…"

"OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" They heard Ororo screaming in the next room.

"Now what?" Scott groaned. They ran into the library. Hanging from the doorway and several sections of the ceiling were clumps of mistletoe. "Oh no…"

"Who put up all this mistletoe?" Ororo shouted.

"Who do you **think?**" Jamie peeked out from under at table. "Hide me!"

"It's everywhere," Kitty peeked over to outside the halls.

"Oh Sto-orm!" Shipwreck sang out as he walked down the halls.

"Oh lord," Ororo groaned.

"Mistletoe!" Shipwreck grinned. "You know what that means?"

"Yeah I'll deck your halls if you set **your** lips anywhere **near** mine!" Ororo snapped.

"It doesn't take a genius to know a mansion full of mistletoe will cause nothing but woe," Roadblock shook his head as he walked in. "You should see what's going on in the rest of the mansion."

"I'm afraid to find out," Scott sighed.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Oh come on Rogue," Remy grinned as he pressed close to Rogue. "Just one little kiss."

"In your dreams and my nightmares," Rogue pushed him away. "You know what happens when I touch someone!"

"Maybe it'd be worth it, no?" Remy raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, let me think," Rogue said. "No."

"Just one little kiss, what could it hurt?" Remy insisted. He pointed to the mistletoe above them. "You know its tradition." 

"So is…" Then something caught Rogue's eye. "Well if it's tradition I guess you have to get a kiss."  
"I knew you couldn't resist me," Remy preened.

"Okay Swamp Rat, close your eyes," Rogue batted her eyes. As soon as Remy closed his, Rogue grabbed Lockheed and put his face right to Remy's. "Pucker up!"

Remy opened his eyes just as he put his lips on Lockheed's snout. "AGGHH!"

Lockheed responded by giving Remy a face full of smoke. "Bleah!"

"Rogue!" Remy shouted.

"Hey I said you'd get a kiss. I didn't say from **who! **You're lucky I didn't use the butt end!" Rogue laughed.

"Remy really beginning to hate this holiday…" Remy grumbled.

"BLEAH!" Lockheed spat out more smoke and soot at Remy, covering him.

"AND REMY REALLY HATES THAT FLYING LIZARD!" Remy shouted and began to chase Lockheed.

Meanwhile Hank was very depressed. "Ah young love under the green holly," He sighed. "And here I am alone. Alone. Oh so alone…"

"Uh Hankster could you be alone over **there?**" Tabitha asked as she stopped kissing Sam under the mistletoe. Hank was standing dejectedly by them.

"Oh sure," Hank moved away. "Alone…Alone…I blew it and now I'm alone."

"HANK SNAP OUT OF IT AND TELL THESE KIDS TO KNOCK IT OFF!" Logan stormed in. "ALL RIGHT ALL OF YOU KNOCK IT OFF!"

"Geeze way to kill the mood Mr. Scrooge," Tabitha grumbled.

"I'm gonna kill more than that if you hormonal little maniacs don't cut it out," Logan cut down the mistletoe. "Stuff like this gives you ideas!"

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Jamie and his clones ran by covered in lipstick kisses.

"KISSY! KISSY!" Trinity ran after him, each girl carrying some mistletoe in her hands.

"See what I mean?" Logan snapped. "Now I gotta get this stuff before Avalanche gets any ideas!"

"Don't worry…" Lance wobbled in. He looked very green. "I'm not really in the mood tonight. Not if you've seen what **I** saw!"

"EWWWWW!" Kitty screamed from the next room. "MOM! JESSE D! GET OFF THE TABLE! THAT IS DISGUSTING! DAD! DONALD NOOOOOO!"

"Yikes…" Logan winced.

"WHEEE!" Todd scampered on the ceiling kissing a happy Althea.

"I need to go lie down…" Lance moaned.

"Hey there!" Spyder hung from the ceiling. She kissed Lance on the cheek. "Merry Christmas Lance!"

"Oh yeah…" Lance managed to fake a grin. "I feel **so** much better now."

Spyder laughed and scampered to the next room. The other Misfit Joes were decorating in there. Spyder laughed and tackled Spirit. He caught her and laughed. "Merry Christmas little one!"

"Merry Christmas Spirit!" Spyder laughed. "This is gonna be the best Christmas ever!"

"Well I'm glad **somebody** thinks so," Low Light grumbled.

"Ignore Scrooge over here," Roadblock smirked. "He's like this all year."

"I know how to lighten him up," Cover Girl held out a bit of mistletoe.

"Oh boy…" Low Light was feeling a bit flushed.

"Come on Cooper," Cover Girl grinned. "Pucker up."

"Uh…I gotta go check on some lights…" Low Light backed away.

"Oh no you don't boy," The Blind Master made a mischievous grin. Casually he took out some shuriken and threw them, pinning Low Light to the wall.

"Yipe…" Low Light blinked as Cover Girl kissed him. He turned bright red. "That was a dirty trick!"

"But it worked," Blind Master grinned.

"That's very funny," Low Light freed himself as most of the others laughed and left the room leaving him alone with Cover Girl.

"Well if I have to trap you to get a kiss from you," Cover Girl huffed and turned around.

"Hey," Low Light grabbed her arm and whirled her around into his arms. "I never said that I didn't want to kiss you."

"You didn't?" Cover Girl blinked.

"I just didn't want an audience," Low Light said before pressing his lips to her.

CLICK!

"Got ya!" Pietro laughed as he held the camera.

"PIETRO!" Low Light screamed as he ran away laughing. "YOU'RE GONNA DIE!"

"TAKE A NUMBER!" Wanda shouted as she ran after them.

"This is great!" Fred laughed as he watched the merriment. "I love Christmas! I wish Granny was here!"

"Your grandmother?" Lina asked. "That's the one still on the run from the law right?"

"Yeah, she opened up a bar in Fiji," Fred nodded. "Oh but I still remember Christmas on the farm. Those were some of the happiest times of my life."

"I miss my family at Christmas," Lina sighed. "Even if they don't want me…"

"Aw Lina, we're kind of like your family now," Fred told her. "And I…Well we want you."

"Freddie…" Lina blushed. She then noticed the mistletoe nearby. "Uh Freddy could you stand over here for a second?"

"Yeah, right here?" He moved over.

"A little to the left."

"Here?"

"Now a little more. There, perfect," Lina fluttered up and gave Fred a kiss on the cheek.

"Awwwwwwww…." Fred's entire head turned bright red.

Xi and Rina were watching this. "Why does this mistletoe make everyone want to kiss?" Rina asked.

"I don't know," Xi blinked. "Perhaps we shall analyze it?"

"Great idea!" Logan dumped a pile of mistletoe in their hands. "Better yet! Burn it! Make a nice big fire!"

"Is that another Christmas tradition?" Rina asked.

"Yeah close enough," Logan waved.

"Okay," Xi nodded and they walked away.

"Yeah burn it all up kids. Not in the house! Do it outside!" He looked around. "WAVEDANCER! DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM! WATCH IT WITH THOSE HANDS YOUNG LADY!"

"Can you believe this?" Alex asked.

"SHIPWRECK I WARNED YOU!" Ororo could be heard shouting. A sound of thunder could be heard as well as a loud yell.

"Yeah I can…" Scott sighed.

"Hey Jubilee," Bobby grinned under the mistletoe. His grin then disappeared when he heard a loud growl behind him. "Uh oh…"

"STEP AWAY FROM THE MISTLETOE AND NOBODY GETS HURT!" Logan shot out his claws with a rather loud snikt.

"AAHHHH!" Bobby shouted as he ran from Logan.

"LOGAN YOU ARE SO TOTALLY KILLING THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT!" Jubilee shouted.

"GOOD!" Logan shouted back. He made a full stop when he saw something else. "TOAD I TOLD YOU TO GET OFF THE CEILING!"

"Why did I blow it with Alison?" Hank stumbled by him. "Why? Why?"

"All right who spiked the egg nog **this** time?" Logan shouted. "Charles? CHARLES I KNOW YOU'RE HIDING AROUND HERE! YOU'D BETTER SAVE SOME SCOTCH FOR ME IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU!"

Meanwhile in another part of town…

"Stupid mutants," Mayor Chandler grumbled as he fished for more scotch in his house. "Ruined Christmas and I know they stole my tree and my presents! Well at least they didn't take my scotch!"

He opened the door to one room and saw S'ym standing there with some mistletoe. "Pucker up!" He grinned.

"AAHHHHH!" Mayor Chandler screamed as S'ym chased him around the house.

"This really is not very nice," Peter looked through the binoculars at the scene.

"So? What's your point?" Illyana asked. "Ah the other demons have finished toilet papering his house and burying his car in snow! Come on you louts! We have a lot of other stops to make tonight!"


	9. Too Many Cooks and Crazies

**Too Many Cooks and Crazies**

Some time lateron ChristmasEve things had quieted down, well as quiet as things can get with two hyper toddlers in a house.

"SANTA! SANTA! SANTA!" Barney and Claudius bounced around screaming. "SANTA!"

"It's nice watching children on Christmas," Xavier observed with several other X-Men and their family members in the study.

"SANTA!"

"Yeah and it's even nicer knowing they aren't yours," Logan grumbled. "Where is Shipwreck?"

"Out trying to console Ororo again," Jean told him. "No Barney! Don't pull those ornaments!"

Lance and Althea walked in. "Hey has anybody seen Xi?" Lance asked.

"He's in here with Rina. They're both looking at the tree," Bobby told him. He pointed to the two genetically created mutants standing by the tree.

"It's like they're hypnotized or something," Ray remarked.

"Oooh," Xi blinked.

"Pretty…" Rina looked at the tree.

"Well that will keep 'em occupied for a few hours," Logan sighed.

"Well somebody has to start preparing Christmas Daydinner," Jubilee got up.

"It's Christmas Eve," Bobby pointed out.

"Yeah you gotta start early!" Jubilee said. "We can't just have Chinese take out like we did tonight!"

"Hey I told you guys I didn't want to do any dishes tonight," Logan said. "Or what was left of them."

"Sorry about that," Donald apologized. "We didn't mean to throw those plates."

"We just got carried away," Mrs. Pryde said.

"Look we'll have a nice big feast," Roadblock said. "I'll cook and…"

"If you don't mind **I** will be cooking dinner this time," Remy told him.

"Since when do **you **cook?" Lance looked at him.

"All the men in my family cook," Remy huffed.

"I guess it's kind of good to have a skill to fall back on in prison huh?" Pietro remarked.

"I would not be talking about prison if I were you boy," Remy glared at Pietro.

"No he really can cook," Rogue said. "He's made quite a few dinners for us when you Misfits didn't show up."

"Nein, I will make dinner," Jimaine shook her head.

"Gentlemen as a professional chef I will be happy to cook dinner," Mr. Masters said.

"Well let's see about that," Jubilee huffed as the five of them went into the kitchen.

"Maybe we should go help?" Kurt asked.

"Sure," Kitty stood up. "I could…"

"NOT YOU KITTY!" Everyone in the room shouted.

"Kitty, remember our little talk with the nice person from the Poison Control Center the other day?" Xavier said delicately.

"Fine," Kitty folded her arms and sat back in the chair.

"Come on, let's go check out the kitchen," Kurt said to Bobby and they went.

"Yeah maybe they'll let us lick the bowl!" Bobby said excitedly.

"Santa? Santa!" Barney chirped.

"Santa! Santa!" Claudius pointed at the tree with his little flipper.

"Yes Santa is coming," Mrs. Masters picked them up. "And it's way past your bedtime. Come on now, its time to go to bed."

"I'll help put 'em down," Cover Girl took Barney. They went upstairs.

"Yeah I gotta go find my sisters and tranquilize them," Althea got up. "Better get Spyder too."

"I think I'll go have some fun," Pietro grinned as he ran out.

"Do you really wanna know what he's up to?" Scott looked at Low Light.

"Not really," Low Light sighed. "I…" Suddenly there was a low moan. "What was that?"

"Did you hear a noise coming from the tree?" Sam asked.

"Yeah there is something in there…" Logan sniffed and peered inside the branches for a closer look. "It looks like…"

Just then Prometheus the cat shot out of the tree and landed on Logan's face. "AAAAHHHH! GET THIS FLEA BAG OFF ME!" Logan wildly waved his hands around.

"Logan!" Jean shot up. "Don't hurt him!"

"DON'T HURT **HIM?** GET IT OFF!" Logan shouted trying to get the crazed cat off of him.

"I'm telling you Freddy it's nine ladies dancing…" Todd walked in with Fred, Angelica and Lina and saw the chaos. Everyone was trying to help Logan and they were making a mess at the same time. "What the…?"

"All right! They're playing Catch the Cat!" Fred squealed. "I love that game!"

"It's not a game Blob! Jean's cat is **psycho!**" Logan shouted as Prometheus made his way to his back.

"He's not psycho, he's scared!" Jean defended as she finally got Prometheus off Logan's back and into her arms. "You would be too if you were attacked by a parrot and a dragon non stop the second you got here!"

"Where are they anyway?" Fred asked.

"Who knows? Who cares!" Logan snapped. Prometheus hissed at him and ran off. "Yeah you'd **better **run hairball!"

"Could be worse," Todd remarked. "Could have been a squirrel."

"That actually happened to my cousin Clark once," Fred remarked.

There was an extremely loud crash coming from the kitchen. "Now what?" Logan groaned.

Bobby and Kurt staggered back in. "It's not pretty in there," Kurt warned.

"It's like World War III in there!" Bobby said.

"How bad could it…" Xavier winced as a loud crash and a scream of obscenities in German could be heard. "Perhaps we should go have a look…"

They left Xi and Rina behind. They were still staring at the Christmas tree. "Oooh…Tree…" They awed in unison.

They went into the kitchen and saw that in a short time it had become covered in flour and other foodstuff. All the 'chefs' were arguing and using kitchen utensils in ways that they were not designed for. "STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!" Xavier shouted. "Jubilee stop banging on Remy's head with that melon baller!"

"Well he started it! I don't see how you can call yourselves chefs if you don't even have fresh grown basil and thyme," Jubilee sniffed.

"In **December?**" Remy shouted.

"Get an potted plant herb garden!" Roadblock snapped. "Every cook knows that!"

"No you dry them in the fall you dumkoff!" Jimaine snapped whacking him with a spoon.

"Well with this turkey here and these vegetables there wouldn't be any difference!" Mr. Masters snapped.

"There is a difference! The difference is…" Jubilee stiffened. "MY PARENTS AREN'T HERE! WAHHHH!"

"I was afraid this would happen," Xavier sighed as Jubilee sobbed.

"It's finally hit her," Scott sighed. "Boy do I know that feeling."

"WAAHHHHH!" Jubilee began to sob. "LOGAN!" She ran over to him and clung to him.

"Oh god no…" Logan felt very frightened.

"Now look what you've done!" Roadblock glared at Remy.

"ME? HOW DOES REMY GET BLAMED FOR THIS?"

"WAHHHHH!"

"Poor child," Jimaine sniffed. "Let it all out."

"Does she **have** to?" Logan asked. "I'm starting to miss the crazy cat!"

"Logan!" Jean snapped. "You have to be supportive!"

"Can't I be supportive some **other** way?" Logan whined. "I'm not good at this touchy feely stuff!"

"NO KIDDING! WAAAHHHHH!" Jubilee wailed.

"Oh God…" Logan looked like he was going to cry himself.

Hank walked in. "What's going on here?"

"Too many cooks, not enough kitchen," Scott told him. "Jubilee's holiday depression is in full swing and Logan is having a slight nervous breakdown. Hey have you seen Storm? Last I checked she wasn't looking too well."

"Well you wouldn't be too well either if you had five glasses of spiked punch and two more of spiked egg nog," Hank sighed. "Not to mention a wine spritzer."

"Oh man I knew she was taking this whole thing with Evan hard but I had no idea," Scott shook his head.

"Maybe we should talk to her," Jean suggested. "I'll use my telepathy to look for her." She focused for a moment then frowned. "I'm not getting a reading. She's not at the Institute!"

"What? Well where could she be?" Scott asked. "It's not like her to take off without telling anyone."

"Well actually Shipwreck said he was going to take Storm out for a while," Hank told them.

"Out? Out **where**?" Althea asked.

"Uh…I don't know," Hank shrugged.

"You don't know?" Lance asked. "When was this? What were his actual words?"

"An hour ago. I believe the exact phrasing was 'Come on babe I know a place to get your mind of your troubles,'" Hank scratched his chin. "To which she responded. 'What the hell? I've lost everything already.'"

"That's not good is it?" Todd asked.

"I fear not," Xavier winced.

"So let me see if I get this straight," Althea scratched her head. "You let Storm, a depressed and slightly drunk weather witch, run off with my irresponsible **insane** father. On Christmas Eve?

"Uh…" Hank blinked.

"You know Shipwreck's gonna try and pull a fast one right?" Lance asked.

"Well…"

"Of course my father will give her some sporting chance," Althea said.

"Yeah he'd get drunk too," Todd said. "Even things out."

"Uh…"

"So to recap, both of them are probably soused out of their minds right now and out of control," Wanda folded her arms.

"Probably?" Lance looked at her. "That's like saying it's likely to be cold outside when it snows!"

"So since neither of them are in their right minds," Matt began. "Not that Shipwreck was ever in his right mind to begin with, they're probably going to cause a lot of fights, fires and thunderstorms."

"Not to mention lawsuits," Scott groaned.

"Oh dear," Hank blinked.

"And if by some horrible twist of fate my father does end up having his way with her," Althea continued. "One she gets her hangover and sees the light of day, she's not gonna be happy with you is she?"

"Yeah after she fries Shipwreck **you'll **be next!" Lance said.

"This cannot get any worse," Xavier shook his head.

"Hey anybody see Pietro?" Angelica walked in. "Trinity, Jamie, Spyder and Arcade are missing too."

"And nobody's seen the Blind Master anywhere," Angelica said.

"Oh I did," Fred said. "I saw him talking to Shipwreck earlier on about how nice Atlantic City is this time of year."

"It just got worse," Low Light groaned. "And how much you want to bet Polly and Lockheed hitched a ride with 'em?"

"Oh no," Scott felt sick. "He wouldn't. They couldn't have gone…"

"Well the babies are finally asleep," Mrs. Masters sighed as she walked in with Cover Girl.

"Yeah that was fun," Cover Girl said. "Hey I just saw the weather channel. Did you know there's a freak snowstorm going on in Atlantic City?"

"LET'S ROLL!" Scott shouted as most of the Misfits, Joes, X-Men and guests in the room took off.

Not all of them however.

"WAHHHHH!" Jubilee sobbed.

"Come on guys! It's not fair! You can't **leave** me here!" Logan shouted holding a sobbing Jubilee. "I really need to **slice** something!"

Meanwhile…

"_We wish you weren't living with us! We wish you weren't living with us! We wish you weren't living with us! We're not happy you're here!" _The holiday demons sang as they smashed up the FOH meeting hall, destroying everything in sight.

"AHHHHHH!" Duncan ran from one demon that was breathing fire on his behind. "THAT HURTS!"

"All right I admit **this** is funny," Peter told his sister. "But don't you think we have done enough damage?"

"Brother I have barely begun," Illyana looked at her list. "So many enemies, so little time. I wonder how Santa does it all in one night without using interdimensional portals?"

"Well for one thing I don't think Santa uses flamethrowing demons," Peter observed.

"Then he doesn't know what he's missing," Illyana said.


	10. Run Rudolph Run

**Run Rudolph Run**

"Of course my father would take them to Atlantic City!" Althea groaned as they walked into the casino. "Where **else** would a sailor take a depressed drunk weather witch and a bunch of hyperactive idiots?"

"Well at least we know which casino they're in," Jean sighed. "Figures they'd pick the Trump Taj Mahal."

"Personally I like Bally's better," Cover Girl said. Everyone looked at her. "What? They have a great buffet, a Wild West theme and those fun I Love Lucy nickel slot machines pay a lot!"

"You've been here before haven't you?" Scott asked her.

"One or two…dozen times," Cover Girl coughed.

"Hey, a buffet would be great," Fred's eyes lit up.

"Not now Fred…" Xavier rubbed his head. "I can't sense either Shipwreck or Arcade due to the fact that they are naturally shielded but I can sense the others. One group needs to go upstairs to the shops…"

"That's a great idea!" Kitty said.

"Figures," Rogue looked at her.

"Actually I need to get a few more gifts as well," Mr. Masters said.

"Mr. Masters?" Xavier then noticed that some people were missing and others had come along. "Wait where are Wolverine, Xi and Rina? And why are all of **you** here?" He asked the guests.

"He must have stayed behind to take care of Jubilee and the babies," Mrs. Masters shrugged.

"Yeah and Xi and Rina were really into that Christmas tree," Alex nodded.

"I have never been in an American Casino," Stephan's eyes glowed when he saw all the lights.

"It looks so wonderful!" Jimaine was equally awed.

"It is nice to be here and not on assignment," Matt agreed.

"We just went with the flow," Donald told him.

"Yeah man this place is awesome," Jesse D remarked.

"Fine," Xavier gave up. "Let's all split up and meet back here in an hour."

"Make it two," Matt gave a wicked grin and walked away.

"Oh no you don't!" Kurt snapped. His image inducer was on. "Come on Rogue we'd better follow him and make sure he doesn't get into trouble!"

"Why me?" Rogue muttered to herself as she followed her brother. "What about your folks?"

Kurt saw that his parents were already heading to the slot machines. "They'll be fine," He waved.

Before Xavier could say anything, nearly the entire group split up. He was left with Roadblock, Cover Girl and Low Light. "Christmas in Atlantic City," Low Light shook his head. "Now that's something I never thought I'd end up doing again!"

"Should I ask?" Xavier raised an eyebrow.

"Let' s just say Shipwreck was involved in this as well," Low Light sighed.

"I just hope he doesn't do what he did in Vegas," Cover Girl sighed.

"What did he do in Vegas?" Xavier asked.

"Let's just put it this way," Roadblock told him. "You know that saying, 'What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas?' Shipwreck practically wrote it!"

"I am definitely getting a migraine," Xavier put his head in his hand.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"This totally sucks," Kitty sighed as she walked with Tabitha, Jesse, Forge, Alex, Mr. and Mrs. Masters. "I mean we can't even look inside the casino?"

"Tell me about it," Forge grunted. "I mean I'm over 30 years old and they still wouldn't let me in!"

"Why would you want to go in?" Alex asked. "I mean it totally smells like smoke. Could hardly breathe!"

"It's not exactly our idea of a good time either," Mrs. Masters said. "**That** however is!" She pointed to the shops upstairs.

"Speak for yourself," Mr. Masters told her. "I don't believe it! They're packed!" Indeed the stores were full of last minute shoppers desperate for a gift.

"I guess it's true that people will go anywhere to get a present on Christmas Eve," Jesse remarked. "Hey! Look! They got a lot of Apprentice Merchandise!"

"Gee what a shock," Forge rolled his eyes. "Hey!" Immediately everyone else ran into the store. "Wait for me!"

"Cool! I want a Trump doll!" Tabitha picked one up. "Barbie needs to meet someone new."

"Well she has been in a slump ever since she dumped Ken," Jesse said.

"Did she really say…?" Alex asked Forge.

"Oh yeah," Forge nodded. "Word of advice dude, whenever Tabby's concerned…Just go with the flow. I know she's weird but…Oh wow! A Trump screwdriver! I gotta have one of these!"

"I wish I brought some money," Kitty pouted. "Those Trump T-shirts look great!"

Suddenly a brisk wind surrounded her and Kitty was wearing a t-shirt and a hat. "You look so fetching," Pietro snickered. He was wearing a very stylish suit and tie.

"Good one loon found, a half dozen more to go," Kitty grumbled as she took off the hat. "What are you wearing?"

"This is the newest fashion, Trumpwear!" Pietro modeled it. "Goes with my eyes don't you think?"

"Well at least you're not doing anything dangerous or insane," Jesse said.

"You don't think going out shopping on Christmas Eve insane?" Forge asked.

"Yeah and if you think this is safe you obviously haven't been in the dressing rooms," Pietro pointed with his thumb. "They have a forty percent off sale and…"

"FORTY PERCENT!" Mrs. Masters shouted. "Let me at it!" She charged off with the rest of the girls.

"Hey! I was here first!" Pietro snapped and followed them.

"This is nuts," Alex groaned. "I can't believe they're acting like this over…"He turned and saw his father grabbing several things.

"Wow! Only sixteen bucks for a set of Trump golf balls!" Mr. Masters crowed. "And a Trump spatula!"

"Hey hands off that remote controlled Trumpmobile!" Jesse snapped at Forge.

"No way!" Forge snapped back tugging at it.

"And to think my brother wants me to **live** with these people…" Alex groaned.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Spyder! Get off the chandelier!" Jean snapped.

Jean, Hank and Scott had cornered Spyder near a section of the Taj Mahal. "This is fun!" Spyder swung on it.

"Yes it's also pure crystal!" Hank told her.

"Get down right now before the thing…" Scott began.

SNAP!

CRASH! SHATTER! TINK!

"Breaks…" Scott winced as pieces of chandelier lay on the floor.

"Wow," Spyder blinked. "Good thing I jumped off in time."

"Well that looks expensive," Hank gulped. "Everyone let's move along before security catches us."

"Don't worry about that," Spyder told them as they left. "Storm took care of it along with Shipwreck."

"What did they do?" Scott asked her.

"I dunno, I was in the bathroom at the time," Spyder shrugged. "I was helping Pietro steal toilet paper so he could TP one of the plaza suites. But whatever they did they sure made a lot of them cry. And some of them smelled like they were smoking."

"Oh lord…" Hank moaned.

"What about Multiple, Trinity and Arcade?" Jean asked her.

"They said they were gonna play the slot machines," Spyder told them.

"How? They can't get into the casino. They're underage." Scott asked.

Ray and Bobby ran from around the corner. "Uh hey guys!" Ray gasped, surprised to see them so soon.

"All right, what destruction have **you two** caused?" Scott glared at them.

"Nothing, we were just looking around," Bobby said defensively.

"Looking around **where?**" Hank folded his arms.

"Uh the upstairs rooms," Ray scratched his head. "Hey did you know someone TP'd the penthouse suites?"

"We were mildly aware of that," Hank said. "What's that in your pocket?" He took out something from Ray's pocket. "Shampoo?"

"You were stealing shampoo?" Jean asked.

"Would you believe they were for gifts?" Ray asked. "Hey at least I wasn't wrecking stuff like Bobby!"

"Shut up!" Bobby snapped. "All I did was look around at the upstairs pool."

"You froze the pool didn't you?" Hank looked at him.

"Yeah," Bobby went for the truth. "But nobody was swimming in it anyway. I just figured some people might enjoy an indoor ice rink."

"Okay if I start yelling at you guys **now** I'm not gonna have a voice left when we catch the other idiots," Scott groaned.

"Speaking of which I think I have discovered the location of some more of our missing companions," Hank pointed to a huge Chinese restaurant inside the casino. "There seems to be a loud commotion inside."

"And where there's trouble you can bet Shipwreck is at the bottom of it!" Jean said as they ran in. They stopped when they got inside. "Or not."

Inside Lockheed was happily blowing fire and chasing several waiters. Several chefs seemed to have some kind of betting ring on the outcome. At the bar Polly was singing up a storm while gulping down a drink whenever he could. _"Come fly with me! Let's fly! Let's fly away!"_

"Well the parrot is close enough," Scott groaned.

"Oh look, Lockheed just set a couple of Christmas trees on fire," Hank sighed. "Why is it no matter where we go there is mass destruction?"

"Hank that is not true," Jean snapped. "It doesn't happen **all** the time!"

"Well it happens quite a large percentage of the time," Hank said as they went to retrieve the stray animals.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"_It's Christmas at Ground Zero! Just seconds left to go! I'll duck and cover with my Yuletide lover underneath the mistletoe!" _The demons sang as they trashed the Purist base in the city of Denver.

"I am sensing a pattern here," Peter remarked. "But this still is not right."

"You're right," Illyana grinned. "We have neglected to visit the leaders of the FOH and the Purists. Good thing I decided to check my list twice."

"This is so naughty and not very nice…" Peter sighed.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Meanwhile back at the mansion…

"Jamie and Angelica will be so surprised when they see you," Jinx said to her guests as they walked into the mansion. Behind her were Jamie's parents and Angelica's father.

"Yes nothing like a wonderful Christmas…" Mrs. Maddrox began before she noticed the state of the mansion. "Holiday?"

There were wrapping papers, tinsel and ornaments everywhere as well as crayon markers. Claudius and Barney were happily running around chasing a very harried cat. Xi was climbing the Christmas tree in the library. Jubilee was sobbing while Rina was telling her plans for revenge. "Then we can use their intestines to make decorations," She said.

"Oh thank god you're here!" Logan moaned.

"What happened?" Jinx asked Logan.

"Short version, Storm and Shipwreck are on a bender," Logan moaned. "And I wish I was with them…"

"What's going on?" Mr. Jones asked.

"Jubilee is depressed about her parents, Xi got hyper on cookies again," Logan moaned. "Then the babies woke up and started chasing the cat and opening presents and don't get me started on what Rina wants to do to the FOH!"

"Oh my…" Mrs. Maddrox blinked. "Where is everyone else?"

"Chasing down Storm and Shipwreck in Atlantic City!" Logan moaned. "Help me please!"

"Wrap up kitty! Kitty!" Claudius and Barney squealed as they chased the cat carrying wrapping paper.

"TIMBER!" Xi squealed as the Christmas tree fell over. "I'm okay…I think…"

"I feel so alone!" Jubilee sobbed. "WAHHHHHHH!"

  
"Decapitation is also fun," Rina went on.

"I have no idea what I'm doing!" Logan looked like he was about to cry. "I never liked the holidays before and now I've got all these kids that are either upset or crazy or both and everybody left me alone and I need a drink!"

"I think we have our work cut out for us," Mr. Jones winced.

"Note to self, Kill Shipwreck…" Jinx groaned. "This is probably all his fault anyway!"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Meanwhile somewhere else…

"Oh great," Peter grumbled. "We just squashed another Santa!"

"To be fair it was an accident," S'ym told him. "How were we supposed to know that statue would give?"

The mutants and demons were on top of a large building overlooking the pandemonium below. "Yes and he should not have been outside without his pants on," Illyana said.

"I don't think that was really Santa boss," One demon said. "It looks like one of those hospital administrators dressed up like Santa fooling around with that nurse."

"No Gronk? You think?" Illyana asked sarcastically.

"Look at it this way," S'ym shrugged. "Now Creed will have something new to talk about in therapy."

"Well hanging him upside down on a statue which broke and falling three stories on top of a Santa making merry with a nurse would traumatize anyone," Peter shrugged.

"Hey look! That's not Santa! That's a chick!" S'ym pointed out.

"Yeah and that nurse is a guy in drag!" Gronk said. "Hey look at all the reporters!"

"I knew they were ambulance chasers but I had no idea…" Peter said. "Wait a minute! I know that Santa in drag! That's Ms. March!"

"Who?" Illyana asked.

"Ms. March an old…acquaintance of ours," Peter groaned. "She is not very nice."

"That guy running up to her doesn't like her much either," Gronk said. "Looks important. Must be her boss or something."

"Not anymore," Illyana looked through her binoculars. "If my lip reading is correct he just fired her."

"I think we should be going now…" Peter gulped.

"I still think the job we did on Stryker was better anyway," S'ym waved. "Nothing like a little fire and brimstone to scare the bejezzus out of religious nuts."

"Can we go home now?" Peter whined.

"Not yet," Illyana created another portal. "Just a few more stops to make…"

"I was afraid you'd say that…" Peter moaned.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Burke we're supposed to be looking for the others!" Rogue snapped as she caught up to him. "Not looking for a date!"

"I'm just trying to look up an old friend," Matt flashed a disarming smile.

"Nice try but it's not gonna work on me," Rogue told him. Kurt ran up to them. "Kurt did you find anything?"

"Yeah, I found out Spirit's a fan of the Miss America Pageant," Kurt groaned. "He's off trying to get tickets. Says he knows somebody."

"I should ask him if he can get extras," Matt thought.

"What's that on your tuxedo?" Kurt pointed to a dab of white on Matt's sleeve.

"Strawberry Shortcake," Matt said. "It's a real cake with lots of cream and strawberries. Very good actually."

"The Misfits are chowing down in the Deli," Rogue rolled her eyes. "We thought we should get out of there before the food fight escalated."

"Dare I ask how it started?" Matt winced.

"Let's just say I now know what happens to the runners up on the Apprentice," Rogue told him. "Did you find anyone else?"

"My parents are still playing the slot machines," Kurt groaned. "Kitty's parents and their significant others are trying to beat each other at the blackjack tables. The Blind Master is hitting on some showgirls…"

"And he's being very successful at it," Rogue blinked as the Blind Master walked by with four gorgeous showgirls escorting him.

"I must ask him for some pointers," Matt was impressed.

"Come on, let's go find the others," Rogue grabbed his arm and started dragging him. "Let's check out this banquet hall."

No sooner had she said that than the doors opened. Three very familiar figures popped out. "Oh no," Zanya growled. "Not you! Anybody but **you!**"

"Mystique? Zartan? Zanya?" Rogue's jaw dropped.

"Rogue? Kurt? Burke?" Mystique was stunned as well. She was in her old Principal Darkholme disguise with the exception of wearing a well made black maternity dress.

"Oh no…" Zartan moaned.

"Of all the rotten luck..." Matt groaned.

"What are **you** doing here?" They all shouted at each other.

**Don't you just love holiday reunions? Then you'll love what's coming up next!**


	11. Cobra Claws Comes to Town Again

**Cobra Claws Comes To Town Again**

"What the hell are you all doing **here?**" Rogue glared at Mystique, Zartan and Zanya.

"Us? What about **you?**" Zanya shot back. "This is the **last** place we expected you goody goods to be here on Christmas Eve!"

"Well maybe Burke," Zartan snickered.

"Are you…pregnant?" Matt's eyes widened as he saw Mystique.

"Relax Burke for **once** you're off the hook!" Mystique snapped.

"Yeah nobody's that stupid to get her knocked up twice!" Zanya rolled her eyes.

"That's no way to talk about your stepmother!" Zartan snapped.

"YOUR **WHAT?**" Rogue screamed.

"You heard the man," Zanya growled.

"You mean **you **and **him **are…?" Kurt pointed at Mystique and Zartan.

"Married, yes…" Mystique sighed. "I think it's legal but I'm not sure."

"How can you **not **be sure you're legally married?" Rogue looked at her. "Never mind I don't want to know!"

"This is **not **my life…" Kurt moaned. "This **can't **be my life!"

"YOUR LIFE?" Zanya snapped. "**You** don't have to live with her! Or her future hell spawn."

"I think I am going to be violently ill…" Rogue shuddered. "Just what we need for Christmas, more psychotic relatives!"

"You poor poor bastard," Matt shook his head.

"I know, I know…" Zartan sighed. "You're not exactly the first person to tell me that."

"He's not even the first person to tell you that **today!**" Zanya told him.

"Even **Mindbender** bursts out laughing whenever he sees me," Zartan looked very depressed. "Mindbender! The man who has to grow his own dates from a **petri dish** feels sorry for me!"

"The Dreadnoks have a pool going to when you'll get a divorce," Zanya said. "Well maybe not a divorce. Three of them think she's gonna walk out on you and the others think you'll both kill each other."

"Is suicide an option?" Zartan asked.

"I AM STANDING RIGHT HERE YOU KNOW?" Mystique shouted. "You know I'm starting to think of my time with the Brotherhood as the good old days! So you **know** that's bad! The Brotherhood Boardinghouse is a **palace** compared to the Dreadnok lair! Toad on his **worst **smelling day was never half as bad as the Dreadnoks' den! And I thought Blob ate a lot!"

"Well you could give him a real run for his money too ya know?" Zanya snapped.

"One more word from you missy and…" Mystique made a fist.

"Knock it off the both of you!" Zartan snapped. "We can't let them ruin the operation!"

"**What** operation?" Rogue glared at them.

Just then a huge tornado started to blow inside the building, "The one that stupid sailor and the drunk weather witch just crashed!" Mystique shouted as she hung on for dear life to a column.

Nearly the entire gang of mutants and Joes ran towards them and saw the carnage going on. "What's going on?" Scott shouted.

"Short version, Cobra's here trying something and Shipwreck and Storm are putting an end to it," Matt yelled over the wind. "In other news Mystique and Zartan have gotten married."

"WHAT?" Everyone else shouted.

"I don't believe it!" Pietro shouted.

"To be quite honest I can't think of two people who deserve each other **more**," Matt remarked.

"Actually I was referring to that!" Pietro pointed to the inside of the room. There were several Cobras holding on for dear life to the phones they were stationing. Several high ranking Cobras were in evening garb and it looked like they were putting on a show. In the middle of it Shipwreck was fighting with Destro and Ororo was making it snow and lightning on Cobra Commander and Mindbender.

"FRY! FRY! FRY! HAHAHAHAHA!" Ororo laughed drunkenly as her powers raged out of control.

"I TOLD YOU THIS STUPID TELETHON WAS A LOUSY IDEA!" Mindbender screamed.

"Oh shut up and run! YEOW!" Cobra Commander screamed.

"A telethon?" Jean looked at the scene. "Cobra is trying to raise money with a **telethon?**"

"Didn't they already try something like this?" Cover Girl asked.

"Yeah and I guess we're gonna go kick their butts again and stop 'em," Roadblock told her. "Come on, YO JOE!"

"So much for peace on earth," Scott groaned as the fighting escalated.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"All right Frost what was so important that you had to drag me out here?" Magneto growled as he met Emma Frost on a rooftop somewhere.

"What are you talking about? **You** called **me!**" Emma snapped.

"I did no such thing it was…" Magneto shouted. A large portal opening up interrupted him.

"Happy Holidays!" Peter grinned as he, Illyana and the demons threw fruitcake at them, then disappeared.

"Well…" Emma stood there. "**That **clears things up!"

"I should have known…" Magneto wiped the fruitcake off his cape.

"Here's my New Year's Resolution…" Emma growled. "Make the X-Men's lives miserable!"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"I can't believe we survived…" Scott moaned. "I can't believe we survived…"

"I can't believe the head snakes got away again," Roadblock grunted. The entire first floor of the Taj Mahal was covered in snow. "Or how much damage those two did."

"What **I** can't believe is that the people in the casinos are still playing despite all the damage!" Ray pointed to a casino. Many people were calmly playing the slot machines despite the floor having huge drifts of snow in them, including Kurt's parents.

"Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow…" Ororo giggled drunkenly as Jean and Althea supported her.

"Man and I though my pop could put 'em away," Althea grunted.

"Uhhhhh," Shipwreck was being carried by Roadblock.

"Shipwreck remind me to kill you when Christmas is over," Roadblock grunted. "Or whenever you get sober."

"Looks like Remy missed the party," Remy came up herding some other people along.

"Where the hell were **you?**" Rogue snapped. "And who are they?"

"Take a closer look!" Remy pointed. There were two men and three women. One man was muscular with short red hair and glasses and the other man was huge with brown hair. The three black haired women looked exactly identical.

Remy shut off their image inducers one by one. "Uh hi guys," Jamie waved weakly.

"No wonder we couldn't find them!" Lance groaned.

"You used image inducers to sneak into the casinos?" Althea gasped. "Now why didn't **we **think of that?"

"How much did you win?" Fred asked.

"Fred!" Jean snapped. "You are all in such trouble!"

"We're not the only ones," Quinn pointed out.

"Guess who was cheating at the card table games?" Daria pointed to Remy.

"WHAT?" Rogue glared at Remy.

"Look at all the money in his pocket," Brittany took it out of Remy's coat.

"Thanks a lot!" He snapped.

"All right that's it!" Xavier snapped. "I've had enough! Kurt! Kitty! Round up your parents and lets get out of here before we all spend Christmas in **jail!**"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Well let's see," Jinx sighed as she looked around. "We got the Christmas tree back up and the babies put down. Cleaned up most of the mess in here. And Xi…"

"Well he seems to have calmed down somewhat…" Mr. Jones remarked. Xi was happily hugging a strange colorful soft pillow.

"Love me, love my Mogu," Xi purred.

Logan walked downstairs. "Well Jubilee's feeling a little better. Rina's with her. The good news is they're both bonding."

"And the bad news?" Jinx raised an eyebrow.

"They're figuring out new ways to destroy the FOH," Logan sighed. "But in an odd way it's making Jubilee feel better."

"Well as long as it stays only in the planning stage I guess we can overlook it," Jinx put her arms around him. "Guess this hasn't been a very merry Christmas for you has it?"

"Between the Kentucky Fried Santa, Jean's evil hag of a grandma and the kids going nuts it feels more like Armageddon than the most holy night of the year," Logan sighed.

"Well technically today is Christmas Day," Mr. Maddrox looked at his watch as he and his wife walked in.

"Maybe we should make breakfast or something?" Mrs. Maddrox asked. "I mean they might be hungry and…"

Suddenly a huge crowd materialized into the room. "OH MY!" Mrs. Maddrox gasped. "What the…?"

"Oh goody," Logan sighed. "The gang's finally all here! Where **were **all of you?"

"In Hell," Scott moaned.

"But how did you…?" Mr. Jones asked.

"Well it's **supposed** to be a secret," Jinx glared at them.

"Dad?" Angelica looked at her father. "Dad!" She ran over and hugged him.

"Jamie!" Mrs. Maddrox shouted and hugged her son. He accidentally made a copy of himself. So his father shrugged and hugged that one.

"Son!" Mr. Maddrox smiled. "Merry Christmas!"

"Angelica!" Mr. Jones hugged his daughter. "Why are you covered in food? And snow?"

"Jamie?" Mrs. Maddrox noticed something. "What's that in your jacket? Fifty-dollar bills? **Poker Chips?** Playing Cards? A **phone number** from someone named Fifi?"

"Heh," Jamie turned a little red. "Funny story…"

"I'm afraid it's been one of those nights," Roadblock sighed as he dropped Shipwreck on the floor. "Where we've been in quite a few fights."

"I don't even know where to **begin** with all of you!" Xavier snapped. "Especially since most of the **adults **weren't exactly setting a good example!"

"I don't feel so good…" Shipwreck moaned as he lay on the floor.

"Jingle bells…" Ororo sang drunkenly. Then she passed out.

"I have never been so disappointed and ashamed in my life," Xavier told them. "Causing destruction, covering rooms in toilet paper, stealing…"

"I didn't mean to take the shirt! Honest!" Mr. Masters had a shirt saying YOU'RE FIRED on it. " I was only trying it out for the size when…"

"I was referring to the **students**," Xavier looked at him. "Gambling…"

"But those slot machines were so colorful," Jimaine pouted.

"Yes and those Blackjack players certainly know how to cheat," Donald told him.

"**Again** I was talking about the students," Xavier put his hand on his head. "Getting drunk…"

"Yes," Shipwreck sat up. "Shame on you. Shame, shame, shame on you!"

"THAT TIME I WAS REFERRING YOU AND STORM YOU NITWIT!" Xavier shouted. "I don't see why we shouldn't just cancel the whole thing!"

"Cancel Christmas? You can't!" Mrs. Maddrox exclaimed.

"Really Xavier," Matt said. "Don't you think you're being a little too much like Scrooge?"

"No, I am being a man who has had **enough**," Xavier sighed.

"Okay so we got involved in a few fights and maybe one or two things haven't turned out exactly right," Roadblock began.

"**One** or **two** things?" Xavier looked at him. "Roadblock in the past few days we've had a visit from the police, several fights and new possible lawsuits, bigots insult us, rampant destruction topped off with a dead Santa! This isn't Christmas! This is the gates of Hell!"

"It doesn't seem that bad," A blonde showgirl said.

"Who are **you?**" Logan asked.

"Heh…" The Blind Master nervously chuckled. "Everybody this is Carol. Carol…Everyone."

"You picked up a **date** and let her teleport with the rest of us?" Lance's jaw dropped.

"Okay this I would expect from Shipwreck," Roadblock groaned. "Not from you! Why don't we just take an **ad **out in the paper? Come ride the Misfit Express!"

"Oh don't worry I won't tell nobody," Carol said. "Believe me I can keep a secret. I dated a mob boss and a senator. And guess **which** of the two had a lot more dirty laundry? Some of those guys in Washington are really **sick**."

"Look Xavier we all know that this year things haven't gone right," Low Light said. "But considering the trouble we usually get into its not really that bad. We should count our blessings."

"Like what?" Scott asked.

"Well, I'm grateful I know how to disable the security cameras of an entire casino for one," Low Light shrugged.

"I'm grateful in the fact that if I ever get busted by the cops I've got plenty more people to take the fall with me," Jesse groaned.

"That's the important thing," Cover Girl said. "Not the cop part but the fact that we're all together at this time of year. Sure maybe we fight a bit more than most families…"

"HA!" Scott scoffed.

"But in the end we all can count on each other," Mrs. Masters said. "I don't care how crazy things get! I wouldn't trade Alex for the world. And one of the best things about him is that through him my husband and I met all of you."

"You mean you're actually **glad **you're associated with all of **us?**" Logan looked at her.

"Well yes," Mrs. Masters said.

"They say variety is the spice of life," Stephan shrugged. "And you cannot get much more variety than this I tell you that."

"Okay so this is a pretty odd and occasionally violent family," Matt said. "But…You can't deny we've done some pretty good things as well. We did stop a Cobra plot tonight you know. All right it wasn't one of Cobra's better plots but still…"

"Got my cousin back on his medication," Fred nodded. "And we managed to give all the stolen money back."

"Well **most **of it," Scott eyed the money Jamie had.

"Just being here with my little girl is enough for me," Mr. Jones said. "And now that I know she has people who care about her, and there are parents like me and I'm not alone anymore…"

"I think we've all accepted the fact that our kids are never going to have a normal life," Mr. Maddrox said. "But here…They have acceptance and a family."

"Oh you guys are all so sweet!" Carol twittered. "Who knew mutants had such interesting lives. And you're a lot more family oriented than a certain Governor that my brother once dated."

"Well Xavier you wanted peace and acceptance between mutants and humans," Cover Girl said. "Here it is."

"Yes, but did it have to be **this** group of humans?" Xavier muttered underneath his breath.

"You're all right!" Shipwreck sat up sobbing. "This whole thing is my fault. The only reason I took her to Atlantic City was for her to get over the fact that I exposed her nephew as a two timing backstabbing killer! I never wanted to hurt her…All I wanted was to make Ororo happy again."

"Aw Dad," Althea hugged her father.

"And then maybe ring her sleigh bells if you get my drift," He sniffed.

Althea instantly dropped him. "Okay that's enough of this. Let's go open some gifts."

"Well the ones the babies didn't tear up anyway," Logan sighed.

"MEOW!"

"SQUAWK!"

"ROAR!"

CRASH!

"Oh great!" Jinx looked inside the library. "The cat, the bird and the flying lizard knocked down the Christmas tree again!"

"PRESENTS!" Claudius and Barney screamed as they started to climb downstairs.

"What is all the noise down here?" Rina asked as she and Jubilee picked up the babies and came downstairs.

"We're all going to open presents and stuff so come on down!" Bobby called out. The entire group started to go into the library. "What about Shipwreck?"

"Just leave him there," Althea indicated her father on the floor.

"What's wrong with you two?" Logan asked as he saw Rogue and Kurt. Both looked very shaken.

"You don't wanna know," Rogue moaned. "Trust me, you **don't **want to know!"

Meanwhile back at the Taj Mahal a very confused Donald Trump looked at the damage. "George! Caroyln! What the hell happened here?"

"We're not exactly sure, Donald," George shook his head. "The police say terrorists invaded but the security men say mutants and aliens showed up. From what we could make out on the security tapes I think they're **both **right!"

"The cost of damages is estimated to over five million dollars," Caroyln told him. "And for some reason the entire hotel is out of toilet paper."

"No wonder my casinos are going bankrupt," Trump moaned. "They keep attracting all these nuts!"

**Stay tuned for the final chapter! Who's gonna get fired? Whoops, wrong show!**


	12. God Bless Us Everyone We're Gonna Need I...

**God Bless Us Everyone (We're Gonna Need It!)**

Later that Christmas afternoon the holiday festivities were still in full swing despite the fact that practically no one got any sleep the night before. Rogue was sitting by the kitchen window having some coffee when Scott and Jean walked in. "Well we sent The Blind Master's date back," Scott told her.

"I altered her memory to make her think she came by car," Jean explained. "Not exactly a difficult task. So what's going on outside?"

"They're having a fruitcake flinging contest," Rogue pointed.

"A what?" Scott looked outside.

"You heard me," Rogue told him. "They're using everything from golf clubs to catapults. Forge is the most creative. He made some kind of bazooka." She pointed outside.

BOOOM!

"Whoa!" Scott gasped. "Look how far that thing went! Right out over the ocean!"

"Well that's not such a bad thing considering it was on fire," Jean said. "So why aren't you out there?"

"WHOO HAHAHAHA!" They heard the Misfits laughing.

"**That's** why," Rogue rolled her eyes.

"Still laughing about Mystique huh?" Scott asked her.

"Oh yeah," Rogue moaned. "To be fair I can't really blame them. She treated them like dirt, so it's only natural that they enjoy seeing what kind of mud hole she's gotten herself into."

"Come on," Jean took her arm. "There's some kind of Christmas parade on TV. It might take your mind off things."

"I doubt it," Rogue moaned as she was led into the living room. Many X-Men were in there along with Roadblock and Jinx. "So what kind of parade is this?"

"One of those big Hollywood ones," Jubilee said. "Hey there's Congressman Shore!"

"I can't believe that Shore actually kept his office," Kitty shook her head.

"Well there were a variety of factors that ensured his reelection," Hank said. "His position on health care, his voting record, his backing of higher pension plans for police officers…"

"The fact that half the people in his district were affected in some way by Stryker Sunday," Roadblock added.

Rogue said cynically. "And his main opponent ended up in jail on a hit and run as well as drug charges the day **before** the election!"

"Yes well," Hank sighed. "That didn't hurt either."

"Would you believe the drunk still ended up getting 44 percent of the vote?" Rogue asked.

"Yeah I do," Logan grunted. "Thank God I'm Canadian!"

"Come on now," Xavier said. "A mutant congressman is a good thing. At least we now have a voice in government."

"For how long?" Scott sighed.

"Let's not worry about that now," Jean hugged him. "Today let's just think about how lucky we are to be together with the people we love."

"PARTY TIME!" Shipwreck ran by wearing a bed sheet toga over his clothes. "TOGA! TOGA!"

"Not to mention the Misfits…" Jean sighed.

Ororo staggered in looking very hung over. "Could somebody **please **point me in the direction of that lunatic Shipwreck so I can **kill **him?" She hissed. "Very slowly and **painfully!**"

"Hey 'Ro," Logan grinned. "Glad to see you're finally up."

"I don't exactly remember **everything** that happened last night," Ororo sat down rather ungracefully. "But I do know that Shipwreck is responsible for me being in pain."

"Well not completely," Remy said. "You were the one who let yourself get plastered."

"Note to self, kill Remy after Shipwreck," Ororo glared at him. "What are you doing, Professor?"

"Oh just reading some Christmas cards," Xavier sighed.

"Any of them **not** say Drop Dead?" Kitty asked.

"Some of them," Xavier said. "This is a nice one from the NRA. It seems with all the publicity we've generated gun sales are up 120 percent and fewer people are talking about gun registration."

"Oh look another autographed picture of Charlton Heston," Jean sighed. "Any others?"

Xavier looked. "Well we have some nice cards from the local Construction Company thanking us for all the business. Same for the package store crediting us for all the alcohol sales. A card from X-Factor…"

"Oh they've finally settled on that name huh," Logan said.

"Anything from…" Hank began.

"Nothing from Alison, Hank," Xavier sighed. "Oh here's a nice card from…"

"From who?" Ororo asked.

Xavier looked at Ororo. "Uh, never mind. Nobody important."

"Let me see that," Ororo took it. "DRACULA? HE SENT A CHRISTMAS CARD?"

"Oh boy…" Scott winced.

"THAT LOUSY NO GOOD…#!!!" Ororo jumped up and swore.

"Woah, that's not very Christmasy," Jubilee blinked.

"What is going on?" Peter walked to them yawning. "I got in late and slept in for a while. And I awoke to Avalanche pelting fruitcake at my window."

"Oh just the usual holiday cheer around here," Scott sighed.

"Hey wait a minute," Kitty said. "We didn't see you in Atlantic City."

"Atlantic City? Why would I be in Atlantic City?" Peter was puzzled.

"Cause we were all there tracking down…" Kurt began.

"Never mind Kurt," Ororo interrupted him. "It's not **that** important!"

"Tell that to Donald Trump," Scott remarked. "But how did you not know what was going on Pete?"

"Yeah where **were **you?" Remy asked.

"Uh, I don't have to answer that do I?" Peter gulped.

"Colossus…What exactly did you **do**?" Xavier looked at him.

"Let us just say that some of our enemies have **another **reason to hate us," Peter sighed. "And my sister and the demons had a very good time doing it."

"I don't think I want to know exactly what happened but I'm surprised at you Peter," Xavier frowned. "I thought you knew better than that."

"My sister is a 15 year old mutant Sorceress Queen of Limbo with more power than ten demon lords and the Olsen twins combined," Peter looked at him. "**You** tell her no!"

"You…have a point," Xavier grimaced.

"So who exactly did you guys 'visit'?" Scott folded his arms.

"Senator Kelly," Peter told him. "Mayor Chandler, Duncan, the FOH…"

"Oh boy…" Hank winced.

"The Purists, Stryker and Creed…" Peter continued.

"Oh dear," Hank winced again.

"Ms. March…We got her fired from her job."

"Again?" Scott asked. "What did you…? No I don't **want** to know! Anyone else?"

"Magneto and Emma Frost," Peter said. "Then the demons wanted to go caroling around Bayville some more but by then I decided to call it a night and…Well you get the picture."

"Well you were busy," Hank said.

"Yeah well we kind of took care of Cobra," Scott admitted. "And Donald Trump. Looks like that's pretty much **everybody!**"

" $! !" Doop whistled as he floated in wearing a Santa hat.

"No here **comes** everybody!" Logan groaned as a host of familiar figures entered the mansion.

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Benny Barumpbump walked in with a Santa hat on.

"Oh no, no, no…" Dr. Strange sighed.

"Why do we have to come here **today?**" Mr. Sefton snapped.

"Because your mother is an uptight lunatic!" Margali snapped.

"This from a witch?" Mr. Sefton asked.

"**Sorceress** Dad!" Amanda snapped. "Now you both promised to behave today so shut it! Don't **make **me call the marriage counselor again! You know I'll do it! I have his number on speed dial!"

"And to think I gave up paperwork for this," Nick Fury moaned.

"Christmas has **definitely **changed since I was a kid," Captain America sighed.

"Never fear the Joes are here!" Hawk called out with several other Joes.

"All right!" Todd called out as he, the other Misfits and everyone else from out back came inside. "Now this is what I call a party!"

"Not quite," Scarlet wheeled in another guest in a strange wheelchair. "We've got one more guest for the holidays."

"Foresight?" Jean blinked. It was indeed Larry. He was in a special chair with a mechanical helmet on his head.

"Larry!" Angelica cheered. "You're back!" She gave him a hug.

"Yes this chair enables me some movement," Larry said. "And helps shield thoughts from me. I'd like to return to the Misfits, if that is acceptable."

"Are you kidding? We'll take anybody," Todd said. Althea elbowed him. "Ow! What? I meant it as a good thing!"

Jubilee got up. "Larry…Merry Christmas."

"You forgive me?" Larry asked.

"Your dad brainwashed you," Jubilee said. "Besides the other Misfits have done a lot **worse **to us!"

"Uh, guys where are your fire extinguishers?" Pietro zipped in. "Never mind! Come on Toad I have a job that's perfect for your slime!" He grabbed him and ran back out.

"I rest my case," Jubilee moaned.

WHOOSH! Everyone ducked at Captain America's shield zoomed over their heads.

"You just had to try that trick inside the mansion didn't you Rodgers?" Fury shouted. "DOOP DON'T EAT THAT!"

CRASH!

"The Christmas tree fell down again," Alex said. "Right on top of Mr. Sefton."

"VROOM! VROOM!" Barney and Claudius zoomed by on toy fire engines.

"MEOW!"

"Spyder get off the ceiling!" Jean snapped. "And you babies stop trying to run over the cat!"

"AWK! WE NEED CHRISTMAS CHEER! BREAK OUT THE BEER! AWK!" Polly flew around.

"Wavedancer! Your stupid alcoholic parrot is out of control again!" Scott snapped.

"Yeah well **your** dragon is outside setting some of the decorations on fire!" Althea pointed out the window.

"Oh yes…" Xavier sighed. "So he is…"

"I can't wait until the Holidays are over," Logan sighed. "Then we can finally **relax!**"

**Happy Holidays Everyone!**


End file.
